


It's A Long Way Home

by vernonie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Amnesia, Angst, Apocalypse, Comic Relief, Confusion, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gore, It'll make sense in the end, Jun and Hansol are major characters, LOTS of violence, Love, Mysterious, Post-Apocalypse, Powerful Women, Protective Minghao, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sad, Slow Burn, Soft Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Strong Female Characters, Strong Female Reader - Freeform, Zombie Apocalypse, not much fluff but there's a little bit, platonic friendship, soft joshua, some of seventeen are villians, still deciding if there will be smut, strong female, suspense build up, the romance isn't the main part of the book, very dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-08 17:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15248223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vernonie/pseuds/vernonie
Summary: It was dark, and then it was light.You're finally lucid. After 15 years of not being conscious, you wake up in a desolate and post-apocalyptic earth where infected flesh eating beings roam the streets. Soon enveloped into a mysterious group of survivors, you consistently wonder who they are. But most importantly, who are you?





	1. 1

The first thing you can process is the overwhelming ache in your head. It's a high pressured pain, slightly blurring your hearing into a fuzzy calamity. Your eyes flutter open to a desolate planet, in the middle of a convenience store to be exact. Soon attacked by the blinding force of confusion, you wondered where you were. And then, the questions came flooding in at an alarming rate. You look down at your hands, and then your body. You were in a camouflage jacket, a pair of comfortable and stretchy jeans, along with combat boots. You had a plain black t-shirt on, and a necklace with various rings on it. You try to picture what you looked like in your head, until you realized that you couldn't.

You get up slowly, and stretch out your back for what feels like the first time in years. It rumbles with an unsettling crack, as you search the store for a mirror. You reasoned that the bathroom had a mirror, so you opened the door quietly, knowing that it was best to keep quiet. It was a small room, with a toilet that looked old and rusty, with walls covered in moss and vines. The floor was covered in dirt and dried up blood. The mirror was dirty, but you could still make out your reflection. Your face was plain, only your neck and face showing through the mess of clothes you bore. Your ears were hidden behind your shoulder length hair, your eyes innocent and wide. You furrowed your eyebrows and leaned toward the mirror more, trying to study every single feature you encapsulated.

Once you had a clear image of you in your head, you walked out of the bathroom as quietly as possible. Soon, your stomach rumbled with an unfamiliar emptiness in it. You felt the desire to consume something, which only further baffled you. Who were you? The question stumped you incredulously. You remembered absolutely nothing, except your name, age, sex, and how to think and speak. You knew how to act like a civilized human being, you knew how to speak and think in the English language, but any recollection of what your personality or past consisted of faltered.

Not knowing how to react, you merely look around the store for some food and water. You knew that other people should be around, and that you'd go and pay for your items after you've collected them. But, the lack of humans made that seem quite odd, so you took whatever food and water you could find, and stuffed it into grocery bags you found behind the counter. But then, you found a backpack behind the counter as well, with a water bottle in its pocket and fresh supplies stacked in it. It seemed very convenient, but you didn't think twice of it. You stuffed the food and water in whatever vacant slots there were in the bag, until your hand fell on something cold.

Your fingers clasped around the metal object, and you pulled it out only to look at a gun. You knew what a gun was, and what it could do, but how to use it completely stumped you. There were so many things you didn't know, which only frustrated you. You had no idea what to do or where to go, hell, you didn't know who you were. An anxious pit settled deep in your stomach, as you were coated in a thick worry. Soon, you saw a male human walking outside. He walked quite oddly, with a limp in each step. Your face lit up at the sign of another living thing. You put your backpack on (with your gun tucked in the bag, of course) and run outside. "Excuse me," You say, taking in the sound of your voice for what seemed like the first time, "can you help me?"

The creature turned around, and you were presented with a monster. Its flesh was rotting, rotten brown teeth uncovered by any form of lips. You soon thought of him as an it, while confusion only further kidnapped you from reality. It wore torn clothes, and its eyes were sunken, sullen in, and completely devoid of any color. The eyes were white, with little blood red lines at the edges. The thing started stumbling its way towards you, while you merely cocked your head to the side. Soon, it reached out at you and almost clawed your covered arm, until you backed away swiftly. You looked around for something to fight it with, but the city sidewalks and streets were lacking any form of protection. Now out of options, you decided to turn around and run. But then, you were faced with a pack of more of the flesh rotting species.

They were slow, and they walked oddly. Each step was a stumble, but their feet picked up pace when their eyes met yours. You knew that you couldn't take on 15 of these things, much less 1, so you bolted. You walked down the street of the city only to an intersection, making a left hand turn. You could hear a certain growl emit from the creatures, a throaty gargle which only chilled you to the bone. You needed to get out of the city, but to where? You didn't worry about that now. You just worried about leaving, perhaps hiding, so these creatures would no longer be a threat.

Your stamina surprised you, along with your speed. You knew what to do, but you never learned where to do it. Out of nowhere, you heard a scream. Gunshots soon rang out and reverberated through the city. You decided to follow the noise, feeling the instinct to help out the distressed. Soon, you were face to face with a group of humans, actual breathing humans, with guns and knives, fighting off these sick looking monsters. Yet, they were cornered, and the group of 7 (5 men and 2 women) fought the creatures relentlessly.

Suddenly, an urge overtook you. As if you were taught to do this, you ran up to one of those ugly gargling bastards and kicked its knee in, hearing a loud crunch when its bone broke. It fell to the ground, sliding on the road trying to reach you. You looked down, and then noticed you had a carrier around your waist, with a knife being held snugly in it.

You pulled the silver weapon out, and out of pure instinct, you stabbed the thing in the head. You then looked up to a pair of upturned brown eyes, and black hair that was tucked into a snug mullet. He was definitely a human. Yet, you got back up and fought off more of those creatures, relying purely on what your brain told you to do. You fought like an expert, you looked elegant while killing the monsters so speedily.

Each time you would stab their soft skulls, the punctured rotting flesh would overflow with ugly. brownish red blood. Your speed and intelligence sincerely outmatched those pathetic beings, but you did not know the root of your skills. Soon, the group joined you in killing the gargling things, until the crowd of them thinned out so they could escape. They started running, until the man you made eye contact with before looked behind at you, and uttered the words, "Come on!" So, you ran with them. And then you were stuffed in a large four row van, as a brown haired driver with soft doe eyes drove away, expertly maneuvering through the thickening crowd of monsters.

The first person to break the silence was a short and curvaceous woman, who eyed you suspiciously. "Who are you?" She asked, her eyes glaring at you intrusively.

"I'm Y/N." You said, surprised that you remembered your name. The word felt foreign on your tongue, like everything you said did. You felt like an alien, a pariah, and soon everybody in the van eyed you dangerously. "I am no threat, I promise." You continued, only speaking the truth. To be fair, you meant no harm to them.

"How do we know that? Where's your group?" Another woman piped up, who was taller and skinnier than the last one. She had remarkable green eyes, a small nose, and short, black hair. She was tan, and the woman folded her arms trying to be intimidating. You, however, did not feel an ounce of fear towards these humans.

"I-I don't have one. I don't know what happened, to be completely honest." You explained feebly.

"What do you mean by, 'what happened'?" The driver questioned, making eye contact with you through the mirror. You soon noticed you were out of the city, and driving much more slowly on the abandoned highway.

"As in, where the hell am I? I don't remember anything." You muttered, the confusion thick in your tone. The group looked to themselves exasperatedly, but the man with the mullet (who was tall and skinny, but his muscles were prominent) stared at you.

"Elaborate." Is all he said, and you didn't need to be told twice. He looked like the leader of these people, despite his young looking exterior.

"I woke up in a convenience store, and I swear on my life that I did not remember _anything_ that happened. I had supplies, but I was relying on my instincts back there. Hell, I'm relying on them right now." You explained, the confusion you endured frustrating the hell out of you. 

"That sounds like a load of bullshit." A tall man piped up. He had dark brown hair, and wide brown eyes. His nose was pointed, and his gaze was petrifying. 

"Listen, I just saved your asses. Not only that, I am really fucking confused because I have no idea where I am! What the hell  _is_ this place?" You shouted, the man looking slightly taken aback. 

"Then where'd you learn how to fight like that?" A different man asked. He looked young, and had brown shaggy hair. His innocent looking eyes bore right into yours, and although his question was threatening, his tone was soft. 

"I have no fucking idea," You explained, "I have no clue what those  _things_ we just fought were, or where the hell all the people are. Could somebody help me out here?" 

"Those things you just fought were the infected. They bite you, you're done for. You turn into one of them. This sickness broke out, and turned people into flesh eating monsters. About 95% of the population was wiped out. Got it?" The man who you presumed to be the leader explained. 

"Can you just stop the car? Let me get out, and leave you alone now. Sorry for being a burden to you, but I do not plan on hurting any of you." You plead.

"No can do. We have no idea if you're lying or not, and if your group is coming to find you. So, we're going to wait a while and see." The driver rasped, and you bit your lip. You felt the urge to...cry? You wanted to cry because you were so angry and confused, and you didn't like or trust these people. Not even that, you just saved their lives! 

Everybody looked at you, expecting you to scream or cry. Instead, you merely asked, "What are your guys' names, then?"

  
The skinny man with the mullet stated, "Minghao."

"Hansol." Said the soft boy with the soft eyes.

"Junhui." The tall, big eyed man who previously yelled at you mumbled.

"Cleo." The curvy woman pipped.

"Margo." The taller girl said.

"Joshua." The driver finally said, and you sighed, sinking into the seat of your car, fatigue finding its way to you.

-

"Get up." Minghao ordered, as your droopy eyelids ripped open to the cloudy day. You unbuckled your seat belt, and looked up to their "territory". It was a street in the suburbs, with a huge wall making the minuscule town submit to its large presence. Large watch towers where men and women with guns looked down at everybody, especially you, while they begrudgingly opened the gates.

They made you give them all of your weapons, coaxing you into submission. You hated that, especially around these folks whom you didn't trust. They led you to a garage of a rugged looking house, and merely shoved you into the cement room while you had time to yourself. You sighed profusely, running your fingers through your short hair. You tried desperately to remember something that happened to you before today, but nothing came to your avail. You were pissed beyond belief, and you wanted to cry, but you refused to let these people see you shed a tear. 

As you spent more time by yourself, you got to know who you were. You were a stubborn, strong woman. You knew you were twenty, but that was about it. Soon, the door of the garage opened. You came face to face with Minghao, and you rolled your eyes without even thinking. Expecting to get yelled at, you hear a light scoff from his end. You furrow an eyebrow suspiciously, as he notions for you to go and sit. While walking over, he attempts to trip you and pin you down, but you respond instantaneously and swing your arm towards his face, finding your balance. He dodges you quickly, and a smug smile soon appears on his face. "I knew you could fight." He playfully plighted, which resulted in you crossing your arms and rolling your eyes again. 

"I believe you." He said, observing that you weren't in the mood to play around. Soon, your face lit up. He bit his lip, sustaining a smile that wanted to creep onto his face. 

"Really?" You asked exasperatedly, a look of relief settling on your face. 

"No. I just wanted to see the look on your face when I said that. But, it was less devilish than I expected." He explained, which resulted in you throwing your head back in frustration. 

"Oh my fucking god." You whispered to yourself, and Minghao couldn't contain his laughter. You glared at him heavily, and his smile soon halted.

"Sorry, there isn't much comedy these days. I'm here to just interview you, get to know you, and see where you could help in our little community." Minghao explained, and you just shut your eyes in pure frustration and confusion. But then, something flashed in your mind, something you've never seen before. And then, you were on the floor hyperventilating, holding your head which echoed with furious pain, as something came to your head. A powerful image.

A memory.


	2. 2

_"Who are you, Y/N?" The stoic man asked you. He had a porcelain complex to him. His cheekbones were high and defined, with slick black hair that was gelled back. He wore a white lab coat, and his hands were folded on the table as his icy blue eyes bore into you like a snake staring at its prey. The question you had been asked was supposed to be responded with an automatic answer, and you knew better than to try and rebel. You were coaxed into being what they wanted you to be, so you reluctantly spat the words,_   
  


_"I am Y/N, patient zero, and your loyal subordinate." You boomed emptily, the repeated and hollow words falling from your chapped lips like poison. You looked into the man's eyes again, wanting to test him. At this point, you had nothing to lose._

_"Good, now back to sleep." The Doctor ordered, and suddenly everything went black._

The pain was horrendous. The overwhelming force ripped you from the depths of reality, into another  _painful_ dimension. Minghao was holding you desperately, constantly asking if you were okay. You didn't know if you could open your eyes, for the ringing in your pain ridden head was too great. Your heavy breathing soon slowed within a few minutes, while Minghao continued to hold you frantically. 

You forced your eyes to open, and Minghao's deep brown ones looked at you in a concerned manner. You hadn't been greeted with these irises before, only the cold sarcastic ones, but these orbs were filled with worry. "I'm okay." You managed to mumble, unclasping yourself from his hold while forcing yourself to stand up. Suddenly, the realization of what just happened hit you.

You had remembered something. 

The situation seemed somewhat familiar to the one you were in now, being asked questions by a man that demeaned you. 

"What the fuck happened?" Minghao asked worriedly, and now it was your turn to laugh.

"Still don't believe me?" You daunted cockily, tilting your head to the side with a smug smirk etched on to your lips.

-

You were forced to go to the community's "clinic" to get checked up on. Their doctor was a young med student, who managed to flee the city when the outbreak first started. He went by the name of Seungkwan, and he was a very sweet and nervous young man. 

You had found out that the community you were currently residing in was named "Fort Lockwood". The name came from the street the community was, a mere one way road with a decent amount of houses on both sides. You had also learned that Minghao  _wasn't_ the leader, but he was high in command. The leader was Joshua, who appointed several other people to be in charge of certain things. He was just in charge of making sure everything was in shape, that his citizens were safe, and he dealt with the serious problems along with the other leaders. Minghao was in charge of the weaponry, and he trained new citizens on how to fight, use a gun, knife, etc. 

You learned that the short-tempered Junhui was in charge of gathering supplies, and often went on escapades for a few days by himself just to come back with a van full of goodies. Hansol, the soft boy you took an immediate liking to, was in charge of defense, and making sure the walls were maintained regularly and that "the infected" were led away from their base. 

Seungkwan was in charge of medicine, and the health of the citizens. You kind of scoffed at the mention of how many men were in power, until you heard about Margo and Cleo. Margo was a teacher, in charge of educating the youth of Fort Lockwood. Cleo was apparently "a complete technology wiz" and got the power working in the community again. So, she was in charge of that, along with trying to communicate with the army through the radios she miraculously fixed and walkie-talkies. 

Another woman whom you had yet to meet by the name of Sonny was a botanist. She was in charge of the gardens and growing enough food to feed their small community. About five hundred people lived in Fort Lockwood, some families living by themselves, and other people camping together in houses. It was a lot to take in, especially with your limited experience, so you were left to relax in Joshua, Minghao, Junhui, and Seungkwan's house until you were further situated into a better living situation. You pondered the thought of escaping, but the possibilities of you doing so successfully were quite slim.

Not only that, the community was nice. People worked together to help rebuild what was lost, and you appreciated that. You appreciated their will, and their determination. Although you didn't know yourself well enough yet, you knew that you lacked hope for  _some_ reason. 

Then you found yourself thinking about the man with the icy blue eyes, and the memory that had transpired. You knew it happened, there was a certain clarity in the situation that you relived which led you to believe that it was pure and real. You sighed, the detrimental day kicking in, and soon you felt like you wanted to cry. Humans cry after under a lot of stress, right?

But, your agony was no match to your stubborn side. You refused to let the tears fall, for they symbolized vulnerability. You don't know why you thought that, you just did. And, to put it simply, you were fucking confused. Waking up in a post-apocalyptic world can take quite a toll on somebody, nonetheless somebody with no memories before what had just happened. 

So, you just sat on the mattress splattered on the floor of the cold attic you were staying in. You assumed autumn was here, the season fresh and ripe. You then decided to look through your bag, which was stripped of its gun, but nothing else. You had some clothes in there which looked like they'd fit you, along with a lighter, some rope, matches, ammunition, a water bottle, and a blanket. As you got to know yourself throughout the day, you figured out that you were actually quite intelligent, but just kept in the dark. So, the bag filled with all the supplies a girl like you could need was somewhat baffling, which only added to the list of questions you couldn't answer. 

You soon heard a knock creaks in the wooden stairs that led up to the attic, which led to a knock on your door. You came face to face with Joshua, the leader of the grand scheme. "Hello." He said somewhat sweetly. His voice was soft, and it contrasted with his rugged looking figure. He had blackish brown hair that fell down his forehead, with his ears poking out slightly. His angled brown eyes were kind of distant, but sage. He was skinny, ragged, yet muscular - similar to Minghao in that sense. He wore a black jacket and brown cargo pants, with an old pair of brown boots aged with experience. His eyebrows were slanted naturally, which gave an intimidating vibe. If you were different, you would've considered yourself intimidated.

But his soft voice contrasted with his scary exterior. His voice was something you could almost drown in, it was rich and thick like honey, but smooth and intoxicating. "Hi." You muttered, returning the intense eye contact he displayed to you.

"Minghao told me what happened...I may seem like an asshole, forcing you to stay here-"  
  


"You don't seem like one - you are one. But continue." You interrupted ripely, your feisty attitude kicking in. Instead of getting pissed, he gave you a lopsided smile which oozed with something you'd consider respect. 

"Anyway, I hope you know it's just for the safety of my people. You see, many people want to be a part of our community, or they want to destroy it. But, our location is quite hidden if you haven't noticed, it's a street many miles away from the city, in a town that used to be a peaceful suburb. But, I believe that you're alone and that you have no group. But, I want you to stay here: where it's the closest thing to safe in this world." Joshua explained, inching his way closer to you, which resulted in him sitting on the wooden floor of the dusty attic, directly across from you. 

"But why?"

"Because, Y/N, you saved our lives. Usually, lone survivors would let us die as a distraction for the infected, so they could get away safely. What you did was not normal, but highly appreciated. I'm sorry that not everybody showed their gratitude, but they were still processing what had just happened. They're much calmer and more thankful now." Joshua had rasped, and you listened intently. 

"Thank you for your kindness. I know my explanation seems like a complete lie, but I promise you it's not. The truth is, when I passed out when talking to Minghao, I believe a memory had came to me. And, that memory scared me." You huffed, finding it odd that you were admitting your fear to a man that you barely knew. "I also take back the thing about you being an asshole, you're actually quite nice." You had joked hoping to lighten the mood.

"I assumed so. But, can you tell me about the memory?" Joshua had requested, a sliver of a smile creeping onto his face. 

"I was talking to a man, he looked like a doctor. He asked me a question, and I knew what to say. I had told him I was his subordinate, and that I was 'Patient Zero'. I think I was much younger than I am now in that memory, but he said something along the lines of 'Go back to sleep', and everything went blank. Then, I woke up." You lamented confusedly, your head fuzzy and tired.

"There are many things in this world that we cannot explain, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you, Y/N. Please don't break my trust." Joshua said, his last sentence more longing and desperate than intimidating. You nodded automatically, under his hypnotizing gaze. Soon, he led you downstairs to dinner, where you were face to face with some familiar faces.

The atmosphere was quiet when you walked into the kitchen, where Seungkwan, Minghao, and Junhui were sitting. They were eating what looked like steak, until you realized that it was deer. 

You ate it ravenously. You didn't realize how empty your stomach was until you smelled the food, and you downed it within minutes. Minghao was amused at this, and Joshua merely smiled. Hell, even Junhui scoffed a bit.

Soon, everybody laughed, which lightened the mood severely. Then, you were being assaulted with various questions from everybody.

"Where'd you learn how to fight like that?" Junhui had asked, and you merely shrugged. You also had extensive knowledge in the field of medicine, the useful information placed in your head mysteriously. 

"I'm better." Minghao deadpanned, and you just scoffed and rolled your eyes.

The conversation drifted on until you revealed the information that you didn't know how to wield a gun. That was Minghao's area of expertise, so you were going to be picked up by Minghao tomorrow, where he'd take you out of Fort Lockwood and teach you how to use one. 

Soon, you were the one asking questions. You acquired the information that nobody knew exactly how the outbreak started, but a state of emergency was declared within 3 days, and civilization was reversed back to its old ways within a week. And then the military disappeared after six weeks, and the world truly "went to shit" according to Minghao. The "infected" went by many names, such as "stragglers", "walkers", and "lurkers". You preferred calling them infected. 

Soon, dinner was finished, and you decided to take a walk around the fort to take in your surroundings. While you were just about to walk out the door, Joshua stopped you. "I'll join you." He cheekily said, and you smiled weakly.

Joshua showed you around the community, giving you an excellent and lighthearted tour. You let yourself soak in the lightness of your conversations, knowing that your upcoming days were to be filled with nothing but heavy dread. You grew quite fond of Joshua, or Josh (he preferred that nickname) and hoped that you wouldn't break his trust, either.

-

The next morning you awoke at dawn, and you assumed it was six am by the positioning of the sun (another thing you had no idea where you learned it from). You were supplied with clothes and shoes, so you changed into a somewhat heavy slick, gray jacket along with camouflaged pants. You slipped on black leather combat boots and tied your hair up in a low ponytail, due to its shortness. 

All the women you had come across had short hair as well, and you assumed it was merely safer to have it. You went downstairs, and everybody was already up making breakfast. You smelled eggs.

"Where did you get eggs from?" You exclaimed, kind of excited over some stupid eggs.

"We have a farm, it's small but it gets the job done." Seungkwan humbly explained, and you nodded and took your eggs gratefully. Minghao ate next to you, going on about the danger of guns. You nodded, trying to soak in the information being rapidly spewed at you.

Soon, you were in a car with Minghao, the vehicle being supplied with various forms of guns, from rifles to pistols. Minghao drove out of Fort Lockwood, and to a very desert land of grass of the highway. It was surrounded by woods, which irked you slightly. You didn't like how anybody could be hiding in those woods, but Minghao insisted that nobody was, and you had no choice but to believe him.

Soon, you were given a breakdown on guns, how to hold them, when to shoot, how to aim, and how to disarm somebody. "I don't want you to be scared of these things. They can end your life, but they can also save it." He had prospered, in which you gulped eagerly. 

To put it simply, you were a fast learner. Your aim was impeccable due to your perfect eyesight, but you were not fond of the loudness that boomed from the guns. "Can't the infected hear this?" You asked.

"They can, but we'll be out of here before they can arrive. Plus, we have silencers if it gets out of hand." He explained, and you found yourself not wanting to know what "getting out of hand" meant.

You couldn't disarm Minghao, merely because he flourished in this area, but he had struggled trying to disarm you. You had noticed that Minghao's once playful attitude was replaced with a firm, dominant one when he was teaching you. He commanded respect, and you gave it.

"I think we're done for the day. The infected will be here soon, so let's get back home." Minghao had ordered, and you hopped in the car reviewing every bit of information you had just learned.

After driving for a bit, you two came to a halt when a series of cars blocked the road. Men with guns stood smugly there, and you soon realized that the infected weren't going to be your problem.

 

 


	3. 3

"Y/N," Minghao started anxiously, "remember what I taught you." 

"No," You argued, "fight your hardest. But you look out for yourself. If they get me, then let them. Worry about yourself, Minghao." The desperate look in his eyes showed you that he didn't want to comply, but you got out of the car before he could respond. You walked over to the men with a deep pit in your stomach, but you made sure you weren't readable. Minghao followed after, walking up to you and shielding you protectively. 

"Can we help you?" Minghao shouted, a permanent scowl etched in his features. While Minghao covered your body, you tried to reach for a gun that was tucked in his waistband. 

"You can make this easy. Give us your shit and nobody will have to die." A husky man growled, any you could physically feel Minghao's muscles tense up. While trying to reach for the gun, the same man purred at you. "Oh, why hello there, sweetheart. I know what you're doing, and don't fucking do it; or I'll blow your brains out." He ordered, cocking his gun and pointing it at you. You didn't exactly know what to do in this situation, but Minghao put his hands above his head so you did that too. "Drop the gun." The bearded, gruff man demanded and you did.

Other men went to your car, and gaped at the massive duality of weaponry stacked in it. "Boss," One of the men said, "they're decked. There's no way in hell that they're surviving on their own, come look at this."

The man whom you assumed to be their boss jogged over, as you sucked in a wispy but annoyed breath. You glanced at Minghao, and you could see the worried look on his face. They were going to find out that you two weren't exactly struggling, and they were going to force you to take them back to camp. You were  _not_ going to let that happen.

"Minghao, when I say run I mean you fucking run. Get out of sight as fast as possible, and get back to your people." You hissed, and before he could argue you screamed "RUN!" and picked up the gun from off the ground. You shot one of the 10 men in the leg, and he went down immediately. You begged to the gods that you doubted that Minghao ran, and you smiled when he was no where in sight. You shot one of the men reaching through a door in your car somewhere in the stomach, and he dropped like a fly.

You knew you weren't going to win against all of the men, but you took down as many as you could. But then your mind traveled to the gas tank of the car, and you smiled quite mischievously. You would burn all of the supplies and kill some of them, but that means that they would never get a hold of your things. So, with one final shot, a bullet whipped through the air and into the gas tank.

With a deafening roar, the car exploded into orange fiery bits. Raspy screams from the men in the car were heard over the collision and ash. You tried to make a run for it, but their leader pounced on top of you, and your head plummeted straight onto the tar of the road. Within seconds, you were out.

_-_

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the pounding ache in your head. Then, you felt burns on your wrists and ankles. You opened your eyes to nothing but black, and it took you a while until you realized you had a blindfold on. You could only see when you looked down, so you tilted your head up and peaked through to see nothing but a cold, dank basement. The walls were gray, and a musty odor captivated your nostrils. You wanted to scream, but at the same time you didn't want to let the people know you were awake. You assumed you were tied up, and that the remainder of the men got you after you took them down.

You struggled a bit, but the ropes withholding you were indestructible. You soon heard a muffle gargle, and your covered eyes widened when your ears distinctly remembered the noise. It was one of the infected. 

Soon, you started screaming for help, not caring that you showed you were awake. You heard footsteps walk down the stairs, and soon your blindfold was taken off. You were face to face with their gruff leader, a man whom you did not want to reckon with. "So you've met our little friend, huh?" He taunted, referring to the walker being contained by very feeble ropes. Those ropes could snap any minute, and the teeth of the rotting fleshed monster would sink into your skin, ending your very brief life. 

"What do you want?" You asked darkly, anger spilling from your tongue. Your eyes met his brown ones, and he merely smiled.

"You see, I may seem like the bad guy. But you killed six of my men, you fucking bitch!" He maniacally screamed, and then he threw his fist toward your face. It collided with your jaw painfully, and you let out a disgruntled moan, the ache instantly kicking in. "Ah, I shouldn't have messed up your pretty face, darling. Let's get on a first name basis, shall we? I'm Seungcheol, what about you darling?"  
  
You spat in his face. 

You were then greeted with a kick right to the stomach, leaving you breathless and dazed. The pain was overwhelming, consuming you like a sheer meal. You knew you were done for, but you weren't going down without a fight. "Let me ask that again. What. Is. Your. Name." Seungcheol spat through gritted teeth. You only smirked, and spat weakly, some blood in your spit this time.

Each time he asked you a question, you refused to answer. That resulted in you bathing in horrendous pain, as various gashes and bruises coated your body. Collisions upon collisions overpowered you, each one of his fire punches or kicks not powerful enough to break your spirit. You were on the verge of passing out, until you heard an unfamiliar voice shout upstairs. "Boss! HELP!" It croaked, and both of you knew exactly why he was shouting. He only smirked deviously, and cut the ropes holding the straggler behind within seconds, and zipped upstairs while muttering, 

"Have fun!"

The infected monster immediately started walking towards you, its slow limping only dragging on your inevitable death. Each step it took led you to more colorfully anticipate your gruesome, slow death. You were too weak to fight it, and you were tied up. Various throaty gargles were erupting from the creature's rotting mouth, as tears of pain and fear rolled down your face.

But then you remembered why Seungcheol left in the first place. They were here, to save you.

So you screamed at the top of your fucking lungs. Within seconds, Joshua came sprinting down the stairs. His eyes widened when he saw you, and Minghao came tumbling after who didn't even flinch at the sight of you. Joshua was on top of the walker within seconds, sticking a knife through its fragile head and finally putting its life to an end. "Go help them upstairs, I got her." Joshua ordered, and Minghao just nodded and looked at you, his eyes screaming so many apologies, and your warm eyes forgave him. Without any words traded, he smiled sadly and ran back upstairs. Joshua began untying your legs, then your arms. "I was worried sick. When we saw the ruckus, where the fire was, we thought you were in that." Joshua confided, while looking you in the eyes powerfully. His words held so much weight, and you tried to ignore the horrible pain so you could respond.

"That...was my doing," You grumbled, flinching each time your jaw had to move, and Joshua merely smiled. 

"I know." He said, and then he picked you up bridal style, and you were close enough to view his very angelic features. Sweat was dripping from his forehead, his honey glistened skin shiny with perspiration. His eyes chocolate brown eyes were rough, but they had a certain clarity to them. You examined his rounded nose, which you would've found endearing in another moment. 

He ran up the stairs, sprinting through the fighting crowds expertly. You recognized Junhui and Hansol fighting against two unfamiliar men, and you took into account that you were in a warehouse. You saw Seungcheol and a few other men escaping, locking eyes with him from far away. He merely glared, and now it was your turn to smile menacingly. And while in Joshua's arms, everything turned black.

-

Pain. That's the only thing you could feel, it canceled out every other feeling of guilt, sadness, fear, or angst. It swallowed you hole, it was an undertow that pulled you out to an ocean of relentless fucking pain. You felt it everywhere, in your feet, your legs, stomach, head, face, arms, hell - even your ears. You forced your eyes open, the blackness of the windows outside signalling that evening was upon the world. You looked around, and you were in a large van with Junhui, Minghao, Hansol, Seungkwan, Cleo, Margo, and Joshua. Minghao was driving, and you were in the middle row sprawled across the entirety of seats. Margo and Cleo were in the fourth row, Seungkwan and Junhui in the last, and Joshua in the front with Minghao. "I'm awake." You croaked, your voice raw and raspy. 

Seungkwan crawled over the various rows clumsily, making you smile at his dorkiness. You needed the comic relief right about now. He checked your wounds, asked you basic questions, and your answers clearly scared him. 

Your mind traveled back to the "alone time" with Seungcheol, and a familiar pain coated your brain.

_"Y/N!" The Doctor shouted, punching you relentlessly. You cried, broken down and beaten to the point of hopelessness. You would never try to escape again, you promised that about a thousand times. "You're lucky we're not killing you, Zero." The Doctor muttered sickly, and you cried more. You were 15, stuck in that place your entire damn life._

_"I'm so sorry!" You sobbed, as he neared you with a knife. He smiled mercilessly, sadistically, and then he slit your wrist. It bled uncontrollably, and the hot stinging pain was all you could focus on. The blood squirted out of the punctured wound, the cut deep and red. The skin was raw, and the feeling of the metal gliding across your skin drove you close to insanity. It was amazing how you weren't insane yet, but it was your determined spirit that kept you alive. It certainly dwindled throughout the years of you being here, but it survived nonetheless; along with you. "Please stop, I'll never leave ever! PLEASE!" You begged, as he continued to punch you and give you little cuts with the knife._

You gasped, the reckoning force of reality sucking you back into the real world. "What happened?" Seungkwan asked worriedly, his eyebrows furrowed sadly while he struggled to breathe properly.

"Memory." Is all you could manage to say. You then rolled the sleeve up on your right wrist, and a very large and clear scar was distinguishable from the rest of the wounds you received in that day. That scar was from The Doctor. You couldn't remember who he was, but all you knew is that you were terrified of him. 

"Are you okay? We're almost back." Joshua asked, concern thick in his sad yet worried tone. 

"There was a doctor," You hissed, trying to move into a more comfortable position (until you realized that there were  _no_ comfortable positions) "and he told me to never try to leave again."

"What?" Minghao sputtered, his eyes glancing to yours through the mirror. You could see the sadness in his eyes, his chocolate orbs reverberating with guilt. 

"I can't explain it- I'm too fuzzy. The pain is too much." You cried, your heaved breathing rugged and inconsistent.

"We have painkillers back at Fort Lockwood. Don't worry." Junhui reassured, his tone soft and grateful.

"Y/N, you're fucking amazing." Cleo praised, and you weakly smiled. You saw the familiar forest the fort was hidden in, and you let people carry you inside and into their little "hospital". 

You were injected with god knows what, but it made your body and mind numb, and then you fell into the world of nothingness,


	4. 4

Throughout the time period of a few weeks, you drifted in and out of consciousness hazily. Joshua and Minghao checked up on you daily, along with Cleo, Margo, Junhui, and of course Seungkwan. You were high on morphine for the majority of the first week, the second week you slept most of the time. The third week is when you started to slowly get better, recuperating with baby steps. The fourth week is when you were again coherent, and most of your bruises and wounds had healed. Of course, there would be some scars that never faded.

Throughout your hazy isolated rendezvous, you had dreamed of many things. You were convinced some of the dreams were memories, but you couldn't remember them. All you could process is that there was a doctor whom you were terrified of. 

Now on the fifth week, you decided to contribute to Fort Lockwood. You had gained everyone's trust (even Junhui's) much to your surprise. Today, you were to go back to your assigned house, where you'd live with Cleo and Margo. They welcomed you warmly, for which you were eternally grateful. Everyday, you'd help out just about everywhere, until working with Seungkwan is where you realized you were much more useful than you thought.

Many important bits of knowledge came to your head while helping out various patients, until you realized that you were very educated on the topic of medicine. You knew how to address a wound, what medication to give them, yet you were still frustrated. Where had you learned this? 

One night, while walking back from a shift at the community "hospital", Joshua had approached you. You walked in each other's silence quite comfortably, until he broke it. "Are you okay?" He asked, and you knew he wasn't asking about your injuries, or your recent experiences with Seungcheol, he was just asking you if you were  _comfortable._

"Slowly, memories are coming back to me. I don't know if I'm okay, but I don't think I am." You admitted, the two of you walking down the sidewalk. You reached his house, and he made the notion for you to come in, and you did so quietly. Junhui was passed out on the couch, so the two of you sneaked quietly up stairs. You arrived in his room, which was next to Minghao's (his door was closed which did not surprise you in the slightest). His room was quite plain, the beige walls and king sized bed were the main parts of it. There was a plain wooden dresser, and the floor itself was a tan rug. His curtains were closed (it was a rule to do so at night when a lamp was turned on), but you had a feeling it'd be closed anyway. What grabbed your attention was a picture on his nightstand. It was a framed, old photo, with him and what looked like his mother in front of the Statue of Liberty. You picked up the frame without thinking, while Joshua closed the door. He looked over to you and you smiled shyly, and he didn't know why he smiled so easily around you, but he just did.

You two sat on the floor of his room, legs crossed while you held one of his pillows. He admired the way you leaned on the pillow you head, your cheek squished against the soft material. "Can I tell you a secret?" You questioned, positioning yourself to a more upright pose. Joshua merely nodded. "I-I'm not okay. But no one is, because everybody has lost somebody, but I just lost myself." You admitted, Joshua's intent gaze on you the whole time.

"Can I tell  _you_ a secret?" He said, and you nodded just like he did. "I'm really fucking scared, Y/N. I don't know how exactly I became the leader of this place, and I don't know what to do with it. I just want to keep the human race alive for as long as possible. But it's hard when people are trying to kill you, and it's even harder when you kill them. I've done a lot of fucked up shit, but everybody has.  _Everybody._ I'm just afraid that this is it for us - humans - I'm afraid that there will be no more future generations to clean up the mess that was created. I'm just so scared." Joshua rambled, his brown eyes sad and intent while his soft voice said all the words that made him more likable. You looked up into his eyes, those beautiful brown orbs swimming with many unreadable emotions. You swallowed.

"I'm scared too. I'm getting to know myself, all while comprehending the fact that I killed people when I could've solved it differently, but I killed them." You said, eyes distant and empty. 

"We have all killed. Even the kids here have, it's what you do to stay alive. The first person I killed was my mother." He said, those words hanging in the air. You sucked in a sharp breath, letting him continue.

"She was bitten. I shot her before she could turn. This was about six months in, and a part of me still isn't over it. It's a miracle that I've survived three whole years in this mess, but I stayed alive for her. So her death wouldn't be another meaningless end to a sad unlucky life." He explained.

"You've managed to stay a good person throughout all of this. I think that's why you're the leader of this place," You began abruptly, "because you're genuine. Your intentions aren't malicious, you aren't power hungry nor evil. You're a good human being, and that's why you're still alive. It may seem like the evil people rule this world now, or those infected  _things,_ but if you manage to stay a good person you're stronger than other those other evil bastards. You're strong, Josh." 

He gave you a small but authentic smile, and you returned it shyly. You were glad that you came across a person like Joshua throughout this horrendous confusing life, because with him you felt a little less lost. "I should get going." You muttered, standing up. But Josh reached up to your wrist and held it, looking up at you with hooded, tired eyes. 

"Stay." He almost pleaded, so you sat down next to him immediately. You wanted to stay anyway.

-

You didn't realize how long you two had been talking until it started to get a little lighter outside. You told Joshua everything that you could remember, from waking up in the city to your experiences with Seungcheol. You talked about your memories, showed him your scar, and tried to figure out what your memories meant with him. But in between those heavy topics, lighthearted ones bloomed peacefully. You'd share the occasional giggle with him, along with playful banter. It felt like you had known Josh for years, and he felt the same. His heart felt light when talking to you, which was quite odd. Even when talking to his best friends, the stress of responsibility weighed him down. But when talking with you, he forgot all of his troubles in the world. His undivided attention was focused on you, and you only.

"Have we been talking for that long?" You giggled, and he nodded with a light frown on his face. You heard the door of Minghao's room creak open, to which you looked at Joshua confusedly.

"He gets up at dawn, and goes and works out in our gym." Joshua explained, and you nodded. "If you want to sleep, go ahead. I don't get much sleep anyway, so this won't affect me much."

"I don't get much sleep either, to be quite honest." You admitted, so you walked downstairs with Josh and started making breakfast with him. "What are the plans for today?" You asked while Joshua was frying eggs.

"Since you're kind of weak from all of your injuries, Minghao is going to train you today, since he just wants you back in shape. When you finish eating, head over there ASAP."

"'ASAP?'" You questioned.

"As soon as possible." Joshua chuckled, and you nodded innocently.

-

To be quite honest, you needed to get back in shape. You became soft after five weeks of doing absolutely nothing, and softies didn't survive in this world. "Hey Minghao." You greeted, walking into their "gym" casually. It was merely the basement of their "hospital" with punching bags, various equipment, and some mats. 

"Mhm." The preoccupied Minghao responded. He was sprinting on a treadmill, his harsh eyes completely focused on the task at hand. 

"It's Y/N. I'm here for 'training'." You further explained, which caused him to realize that it was you, and then turn off the treadmill.

"Hi."

"Hey! How are-"

"I'm so sorry." Minghao interrupted, which only made you chuckle lightly.

"I know, and I forgive you. We've been over this  _many_ times." You responded, with a warm grin plastered on your face. 

"I'm such a pussy. I shouldn't have ran, it was selfish of me. I only ran because I needed to get more people so we could come and save you, Y/N. I would never run solely to save myself-"

"I know." You sarcastically said, already exhausted.

-

Within 15 minutes of your training session, you were burnt out. But, Minghao was merciless. He pushed you until you physically couldn't move, and the moment you could you were back on your feet. 

You worked on your fighting, your stamina, and your overall strength. You lifted weights, ran for what felt like hours, swung at the punching bags mercilessly, and now it was time to face off with him. "Please go easy." You huffed.

Minghao couldn't help but find you incredibly cute. Whenever he trained, he became serious, strict, and quite mean. You were no exception, but your cuteness definitely challenged him. "No." He spat, and you rolled your eyes. 

To be fair, you held up a good fight. It took Minghao a good fifteen minutes to pin you to the ground, and even then you still fought. You struggled underneath his tight grip, his legs sprawled across you so you couldn't kick him. "Ughhh!" You groaned, which resulted in a slight smirk on Minghao's end.

He lied next to you on the mat you just fought on, breathing slightly quicker than usual. He was barely fazed, unlike you, you were a glistening sweaty mess whose breathing could not slow down. Suddenly, a pang reverberated through your head. You closed your eyes, knowing what exactly was about to happen.

_"You need to learn all of these things, Y/N, so you can survive when you're down there." Your father explained while you were hunched over, hands on your knees._

_"I know, Dad. I'll try harder." You promised, and the both of you knew that your promises were sacred. You continued to fight with your father, until you managed to flip him over when he attacked you. He landed with a loud thud, but he showed no sign of pain._

_"Good job, Y/N!" He encouraged, and you wore a genuine smile after succeeding. Smiling was a rare occasion, so your dad savored the moment. He savored every moment with you, because you were the most important thing to him. He loved you, and he made sure you knew that while you still could._

_You were sixteen, and at that age you were a desperate and curious soul. You would indulge in books about medicine, human anatomy, and much more. Learning is what kept you sane, along with your dad._

_"One more round, Y/N." Your father demanded, and you nodded and got back up. He loved you so much, and you would never remember how much he did._

"Oh my god." You said breathlessly, holding your head in a hunched over position. Minghao's worried face was actually quite cute, and he held you trying to calm you down. Each time you remembered something, the pain was less severe. "Minghao...I think I know why I can fight. My father taught me." You mumbled, while Minghao furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What?"

"My father. He trained me how to fight, so I could survive while I'm 'down there'." You explained.

"What?"

"My exact thought." You responded. Was "down there" here? Why was earth down? Where were you at that time?

"Y/N, your memories will come back slowly. But eventually, all of your questions will be answered." Minghao said with an insightful tinge to it. A few moments of comfortable silence passed until Minghao spoke up again. "Y/N," He began, "why'd you tell me to run? Why did you save me, instead of yourself?"

"Because, people need you. You're important. I'm not." You muttered, shrugging casually. You soon felt his hands on your shoulders, long, calloused fingers and a large palm. He forced you to face him, his brown eyes boring into your irises, while he clenched his jaw tightly.

"You're important to me." He stated, his words leaving a thick tension in the air. "Don't ever pull shit like that again, I was worried sick about you."

"But you barely knew me." You argued, which was quite true. 

"People who go out of their way to save my life are automatically important to me. You have saved me twice now, and I owe you just about everything. I'm sorry if I'm a jerk at times, it's just who I am, but don't ever doubt your importance." 

His gaze was intense, and you - a naturally dominant person - felt vulnerable under his dominant eyes. 

"Minghao," You muttered, "who are you?"

He sighed. He knew he owed it to you, you had to know who exactly he was. You deserved to know the horrible things he had done, because he knew that you enjoyed his company, but usually nobody ever does once they find out the truth.

You had learned that his parents were Chinese immigrants, so he was fluent in the language. You had also learned he had a girlfriend he was engaged to when the outbreak began, and he watched her turn because he was too scared to save her. "I just stood there, frozen, as the love of my life died right in front of me." Is what he had said specifically.

He also told you about what that had turned him into. After the death of his girlfriend, he became a monster. He killed survivors, stole their supplies, and continued to live on his own.

That was until one night, when Joshua, Junhui, and Seungkwan weren't important figures but mere struggling survivors, came across Minghao in a house on Lockwood Street. He had begged for them to kill him, because he was horrible, he was a monster, worse than the infected. He was a fucking  _monster._

But they refused. And slowly, Minghao unwound his past to them, thinking he was horrible. But he changed, and slowly he got over the love of his life, and he built Fort Lockwood with them, and two women they met along the way.

He expected you to hate him, and spit on him like you did with Seungcheol. Instead, you hugged him. "I'm glad I saved you." You whispered in his ears, the soft echoes of your voice making the hairs on his neck stand up straight. 

"When you're lost, you let yourself go. You lose all sense of who you are, and I never exactly had one in the first place. But if it weren't for you and your group, who knows what would've happened? You don't need my forgiveness, nor your victims' forgiveness as well. You need your own, Hao." You stated sagely, giving him a spontaneous new nickname. 

He was taken aback by how wise your words were, and how much he needed them. You were completely right, and it surprised Minghao to no end. Instead of dwelling over your words, he got back up.

"We need to continue training," He said, but he did that for selfish reasons. He needed you to get back in shape, so that you could protect yourself again. He needed you to survive.

He just needed you.

 


	5. 5

You were jolted awake by Cleo's frantic shakes. "Y/N, a herd's passing through. We need to go for a few days. Pack your shit, be quick." She demanded, her stern face calm and unreadable. Any sudden sense of fatigue that would weigh you down drained out of you, as you got up and dressed immediately. It had been two weeks since your first training session with Minghao, and you've gotten much better. Your progress was "insurmountable" and it shocked Minghao to no ends. 

Hansol had been gone for a few days, and he came back letting everybody know that a herd was about 30 miles away. A herd, you had learned, was a massive group of the infected. There were thousands of them, and they didn't pass through very often due to Hansol's incessant security. But, there was no way he could lead those critters away from Fort Lockwood, so everybody was to head to their "emergency bunker". You, having no idea what that meant, had it briefly explained to you. "It's a series of  _very_ protected basements just about 15 miles east." Cleo had said, while Margo packed everybody's things.

"You'll be going with us, Josh, Hansol, Junhui, Minghao, Sonny, and Seungkwan." Margo had elaborated. Margo had a very sharp complex to her, but she was an overall friendly, good person. You had learned that she was 23, and Cleo was 24. Not only that, you were excited to finally meet Sonny.

"Okay." You mumbled, not looking forward to staying in a basement for God knows how long. You finished packing, and arrived in a van with the entire "crew". You sat in the way back with Hao, the alertness that took over you morphing into a lethargic melody. Soon, you fell asleep on his shoulder, which only made him smile giddily as little butterflies seemed to flutter in his tummy. 

-

You awoke after a very brief nap, not feeling at all satisfied. You sighed, while walking out of the van along with various other people. Other vans and cars arrived before and after you, with many unfamiliar faces piling out of them. Soon, everybody started gathering the supplies out of the cars, which varied from food to guns. You'll admit, you used to be a little apprehensive towards those steel weapons, but now you knew them like the back of your hand. 

The basements, or "bunkers", were a part of this super boarded up buildings. Some people went into a clothing store, some into houses, and others into restaurants. Apparently, a guy by the name of Wonwoo was in charge of emergencies, and he fortified various basements, with the duality of the buildings being extreme. This was because it not only confused the stragglers, but the people as well. Your group went into the basement of a very small home, but the size of the basement shocked you completely. You had to get in there through a steel trap door, and still you had to go down a series of stairs, which led to four different rooms. Three of them were rooms to sleep in, and one room was where the food was kept, along with some entertainment. 

The entertainment room encapsulated a shelf filled with books, a pool table, an old television that didn't work, three closets filled with canned foods and bottles of water, a couch, and various board games and card decks. You checked out your room, where three sets of bunk beds were kept. The girls would stay among themselves, of course, while the men split themselves in two different rooms. While everybody was in the entertainment room, eating breakfast or planning what to do, you stayed in your room, on the bottom bunk. These days you rarely had time to yourself, and you honestly desperately needed it.

You sighed, lying down in the almost pitch black room. One of the disadvantages of these bunkers were that there was no electricity, so people carried around kerosene lamps and flashlights to light everything up. Not only that, you were freezing due to the time of year. So, huddled under the covers, you sat in the dark room being dimly lit by the kerosene lamp, and thought.

Over the course of two weeks, the pain you experienced while receiving memories no longer occurred. Memories became a more frequent occasion, and you wrote them down in a journal each time they happened so you'd never forget.

Your mind traveled to the depths of your memories, and you soon realized that your memories were triggered by similar situations that happened to you at that time. You saw The Doctor more, and your father. Other times you had memories of you roaming around whatever you were living in, and dabbling in the libraries picking books that were about anything that peaked your interest.

Many, many things peaked your interest. Not only that, you had learned that reading distracted you from your real life, which you still hadn't figured out what exactly it was. 

Sighing, you rolled over so you faced the door, which was closed. Suddenly, you felt the urge to cry.

So you did.

Tears fell, with the ferocity of a tsunami, but they were quiet and hushed. You cried for the people you killed, you cried for the life that you used to have, and you cried for the one you had now. You cried because you felt so scared all the time, and you felt lonely and unprotected. You cried because you had no idea what the future entailed, or what your purpose was on this desolate planet, you cried because you had so many unanswered questions. You wept until the tears ran out, and you could sob no more. 

Then, the anger came. You were angry at yourself, due to the relentless amount of self pity you had. You thought you were done crying, but then tears of fury came crashing down your face, and you blubbered in a hushed manner, not knowing what exactly to do with yourself. You couldn't talk about your worries to anyone, because who the hell would relate to you? What advice would somebody give you? Hell, not even Josh or Hao could help with your confusion. 

Soon, the door opened, and you immediately turned around to face away from it. The kerosene lamp that lied on the nightstand at the head of your bed was soon picked up, and you heard Josh's smooth voice say, "Y/N?"

You then heard the door close, trying your hardest not to cry. You didn't want him to see you break, because to him you were strong and respectable. You didn't want to ruin that image he had of you in your head. 

"Turn around." He ordered somehow softly, and you refused until you felt his hand on your shoulder. You then felt the mattress beneath you bounce a bit, and you knew he was on the bed with you. You turned around, your faces in very close proximity. 

The tears came, but not as furious this time. They were slow and forlorn, the melancholy oozing from them. And then Joshua looked sad, his soft puppy like eyes softening, his mouth turned down, his eyebrows knitted together. The sadness emitted concern, not the pity you were expecting. 

And all Joshua did was pull you closer, your head resting against his chest. Nothing was said, except an occasional "It'll be okay, you're okay," or "I'm here." And in that moment, you realized how much you needed Joshua. You just needed his presence, or his calm tranquil whispers of sweet nothings, or his humble words of encouragement. You needed his extremely handsome face, or his lean and rugged body. You needed his lips, and you didn't realize what exactly you wanted to do with them, you just wanted to look at them. 

So, you'd peek a few times when you thought he wasn't looking. He was, though. And he clenched his jaw when you looked away, to prevent himself from smiling. Truth be told, he needed your lips too. 

But, Joshua was selfless above all else. And he knew that you were just very confused and vulnerable in that moment, and despite his own wants, he  _didn't_ want to take advantage of you. 

So the two of you - for lack of better term - cuddled for about an hour in a comfortable silence. You both fell asleep, and were woken by the door opening quite loudly. "Dinner." Minghao said, and then he looked at the two of you and the position you were in. And suddenly, he felt a fire in his heart, a sudden anger that someone would describe as jealousy. 

He didn't ponder it, but merely clenched his jaw and walked out of the room. Why was he so angry? Not at you, of course, but at Joshua? 

The two of you came walking out of your room, giggling to each other quietly. And in that moment, Minghao realized he was jealous of Joshua. He was jealous because he wanted you.

-

Dinner was a casual, nonchalant thing. Everybody was somewhere, talking among themselves. Much to your surprise, nobody looked at you and Josh with a weird look. What had happened in that room was not what they thought had happened, of course. Yet, they weren't shocked, because "Everybody gets horny," according to Junhui, and immediately after that statement he was flicked on the forehead by Margo and punched in the shoulder by Cleo. 

Over dinner, (which was merely canned tuna and some canned corn, a very odd combination to say the least) you had talked to Sonny. Sonny was a tall girl, taller than you, with long legs, a slim waist, and curves in the right places. She had short, blond hair in the style of a bob, with wispy bangs and killer green eyes. Smatterings of freckles were splattered across her face, especially on her nose and cheeks. She was cute, and her laugh made you smile for some reason. 

You talked about your memories, and asked about her. She was a botanist, so therefore under the classification of a scientist, which intrigued you endlessly. You swore some odd facts about plants popped up in your head when talking to her, so you assumed you read about plants once or twice in your life. 

You had also learned that her and Junhui knew each other before the outbreak, and were together now. Not only that, you learned that Margo and Cleo were a couple, which surprised you. They did not emit any aura of having interest in one another, which honestly was a good thing. In this world, people like to target your loved ones. Staying under the radar with you were in love with was a pretty decent idea. 

So, someone could say that you and Sonny immediately clicked, and a mutual liking bloomed inside the both of you. She then taught you a few card games - you were a damn natural - and somehow, a poker game began. 

The game was between you, Sonny, Seungkwan, Minghao, Josh, and Hansol. Junhui (whom Sonny called Jun) was asleep. Margo and Cleo were reading quietly to themselves. Everybody except you and Minghao were out, and you had a pretty shitty hand but you had nothing to lose except your dignity. Suddenly, an idea flashed in your head.

You did that thing you always did, holding your head in your hands, furrowing your eyebrows deep in concentration, to make Hao believe you were getting a memory. A look of concern soon washed over his face, and you bit your lip to contain yourself from smiling. "I just remembered something." You lied.

"What?" Minghao asked excitedly, yet worriedly.

"Oh nothing. It was, me and you were playing a card game. And I won." You giggled, and Minghao shook his head while smiling, a few hearty chuckles escaping his mouth. The sound of his laughs were relaxing, and you would like to hear them more. Little did you know that only somebody he was completely smitten could make him laugh like that.

"Nice one." Minghao said sarcastically, and you just giggled and Minghao felt like crawling in a hole and dying, because oh my god you were so fucking cute. Your giggle was like utopia, and he was living - no, fucking drowning in it. He wanted to hear it a million more times. 

"Oh Hao," You gushed, your voice raspy and completely driving Minghao insane, "prepare to lose." 

 _"Oh Hao."_ The words rang in Minghao's head.

And his mind couldn't help but travel to other situations where'd you say - no, purr "Oh Hao" like that. To put it quite briefly, he liked the situation very much.

Minghao just bit his lip and smiled, and set his cards down.

_Straight Flush._

"Damn it!" You cursed, setting down your pathetic pair. He laughed, more like wheezed, and he held his stomach because it was contorting and tightening so much that it hurt. You just sat there, arms crossed, and a fake pout was set on your face. Nobody was really paying attention until now, and everybody joined in the chorus of laughs along with Minghao.

You two shook hands bitterly, faces getting quite close in proximity. 

"Fuck you," You whispered for only him to hear.

"Please do." He growled without even thinking, which made you blush furiously. Then, the two of you pulled away and it was time for bed, and you asked yourself  _what could he possibly mean by that?_

But you knew. His intentions were quite clear - crystal clear. And what irked you more was that you didn't exactly mind those words spilling from his lips.

And then you thought of Joshua, and his soft looking lips and doe eyes.  _Fuck it all,_ you thought,  _this is the god damn apocalypse. Flesh eating pieces of shit are roaming the streets, and I have the audacity to be thinking about boys?_

And soon, you came to the conclusion that you were pathetic, and tired. Very tired. And in the end, lethargy always won.

-

"Rise and shine, cupcake." Sonny greeted, and you groaned a few profanities which only made her laugh. "Breakfast."

You weren't even hungry, but you got up anyway. Dressing yourself immediately, you spared yourself an awkward meeting if you went out there without wearing a bra. "God, it's freezing." You mumbled aloud while hugging your shoulders. You grabbed the box of Poptarts, and took two out. You then crashed on the couch, next to Joshua. Minghao was playing pool with Junhui, and Hansol was by himself reading a book. The moment you arrived out of the room Margo and Cleo went right back in, and you knew exactly what they were going to do.

And then your cheeks burned furiously when you thought of what Minghao said last night, and it's like he  _knew_ because your eyes met his, and he had a stupid fucking smirk on his face that you just wanted to punch right off of it. You then turned to Joshua, making Minghao frown in distaste. 

"How long do you think we'll be here?" You asked.

"Two weeks at the most. It takes a  _while_ for the infected to pass thought the fort, of course they're not going  _in_ but around the walls. And then once they're separated, they're all scattered and the majority usually head to the city, some to where we are, and others go south. They're like animals, because the infected migrate. They go south for winter, because they know that they'll freeze to death if they stay up here." Joshua explained, which only intrigued you more. You shifted your position on the couch, moving closer to him without really noticing, but he definitely did.

"It's an infection, right? They're still alive." You pondered aloud, and Josh nodded.

"Yeah, Sonny had studied them and searched endlessly for a cure. This isn't exactly her area of expertise, but she worked alongside with Seungkwan. They're  _infected._ But, they're not dead. There's no cure, and we've been searching and trying to make one for  _years_ \- so it's best to just kill them to put them out of their starving misery, and so you don't become one." He explained, which formed a heavy burden in your heart. They were alive, and there was no cure, but if you were bit you were done for. 

You killed them mindlessly, and although they didn't act or look like people, you were still killing them. Maybe you did have a purpose. With your extensive knowledge, maybe you could look for a cure, since you studied medicine before.

_Before._

What was "before" exactly? The rooms you were in were always gray and steel, modern and colorless. It lacked life, it lacked sunshine. And suddenly, you were searching your memories, trying to picture everything in your head. There were windows, and those windows were always black. They weren't covered, no, it's just what they showed.

"Joshua," You began, "I want you to tell me everything that was happening right before the outbreak.  _Everything."_

And so he did. He told you about the new chain of restaurants with those amazing burgers, and the president's new love affair scandal, and nothing clicked. Then you asked what happened around the time you were born, and he told you about  _another_ love affair, the reign of the internet, terrorism, and then a new space station being sent up to orbit around earth. 

"Shut up." You interrupted, and Joshua looked at you incredulously. "Space." You said aloud.

"Yeah, so?" He argued.

"Joshua, I think I know where I was before. I think I was on that space station." 

 


	6. 6

_"What?"_ Joshua sputtered, and soon you had Minghao's attention as well because he was sitting next to you. 

"Were there any special scientists on there? Famous ones?" You further interrogated, as Minghao tilted his head to the side and Joshua was stuck in sheer thought. 

"Um...Oh shit-"

"What is it?" Minghao snarled, and Joshua glared at him playfully.

"Dr. Y/L/N. He was up on that station, along with Dr. Preston - also known as-"

 _"The Doctor."_ You interrupted. Joshua nodded, and soon it was like everything was coming together. You were putting together a puzzle, with a smattering amount of pieces in the beginning - but now you were almost finished. The picture of you, Y/N Y/L/N, was being created. Your questions were being answered. 

It's just,  _why_ were you up there? And you were born in orbit? How were you able to walk without the gravity crushing you? Why were you on Earth anyway?

 _Great,_ you thought,  _more questions. That's what I need right now._

"But if-"

"Everybody just shut up!" You shouted, now grabbing the attention of all the members in the room. You even heard a "Hm?" from who you believed was Seungkwan in the "bathroom" (a disgusting room where you dumped your fecal matter into pipes). "I need to remember." You explained, and closed your eyes. You didn't really expect anything to happen, so you were extremely shocked when your father's face appeared in your head, and soon you were on a trip to your past recollections.

_"Y/N...They found out - that's why you need to go right now." Your father ordered, waking you from your slumber (but sleep was never a peaceful thing for you)._

_"What?" You whisper-shouted, and you then saw him holding an outfit in his hands. It consisted of a camouflage jacket, black combat boots, jeans, a necklace with rings on it, and a plain black shirt._

_"Get dressed. And here - drink this." He demanded, and you downed the glass of water within seconds. "Y/N?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I love you. You're no longer their experiment anymore, you're no longer Patient Zero. You're a force to be reckoned with. I'll make sure these people never bother you again, baby."_

_And soon, you remembered waking up in that same convenience store, in the clothes he gave you._

You didn't realize you were crying - no, sobbing - until Josh was hugging you and Hao looked at you with worried eyes, and the rest of the crew were piled around you out of concern. 

"I- my father. He sent me down here." You sobbed, your choking wails and blubbers echoing in the sad entertainment room, and soon everybody except Hao and Josh left, and you were just crying. Why were you crying? Hell, you knew why. You were so fucking confused, the words that emitted from your father's mouth sending you in a downward spiral. Why were you sent down here in the first place? Where was your father?

"Shhh." Joshua comforted, hugging you and stroking your hair. Your heaving breaths that were once swift and hesitant soon slowed down, and your melancholy mood followed you into your state of utter confusion. You realized how weak - no, pathetic - you looked, but you didn't care. You trusted Josh and Hao, and it's not like your sobbing was a facade. It displayed who you were in that exact moment, a confused mess. 

To Joshua, you were strong - stronger than him. He respected you greatly, for he knows he wouldn't be able to withstand such utter confusion if he was in your place. Not only that, he had grown to admire you and your very distraught and unique personality. You were intelligent and cunning, but you were snarky and rough around the edges. You weren't weak, and may God help him if he ever manages to anger you, because he knows he wouldn't stand a chance. Holding you in his arms was the least Joshua could do, but he wanted to do so much more.

You had done infinitely amazing things for Joshua in the somewhat brief time you two had known each other, and he feels like he is in great debt. He considers himself lucky to find such a humane person in such an inhumane world. You could've become the most evil person to ever exist, using your abilities for your own personal gain, yet you helped him and Fort Lockwood. You were amazing, and he wished you could see that.

Slowly, as your tears subsided, you got deeper into thought. You analyzed every single word your father said, and you couldn't help but become stuck on the word "experiment". 

Is that all you were? Just an experiment?

But, if that was true, then for what? 

-

The next day, the herd was surprisingly gone. They were scattered and no longer as strong, therefore you packed everything and walked out of the small house gratefully. You had finally met Wonwoo while gathering everybody into the cars. They were going to go back to Fort Lockwood, and while distracting yourself with the conversation of this intriguing stranger, you tried to push away the thought about going back.

"May I ask, how did you fortify these basements?" You asked, feigning interest. Wonwoo then went on about working with some other folks you couldn't remember the names of. It's like Minghao could read you, because he then called you over saving you from that very boring conversation.

"Thank you," Is all you said while walking back to the van together. You and Minghao hadn't exactly been alone together for a while, so when he signaled for you to get into the van with him while the others were still occupied, you felt a nervousness tug at your heart.

"I'm driving. You can sit in the front with me, if you want." Minghao offered, and you nodded while opening the car door and plopping into the seat. He went in on the opposite side, and soon a heavy silence immersed both of you.

"I don't know how to drive." You admitted, and Minghao looked over at you with his deep brown eyes, and his shiny black hair, and you felt all the tension that once constricted the two of you dissipate. He smiled at the sudden withdrawal of awkwardness, and soon the two of you were partaking in a very nice conversation just like you used to.

"You need to learn, or else you'll like, die." Minghao deadpanned, and you let out a slight chuckle.

"One of these days I'll learn." 

"I'll teach you." He insisted, turning his head to face you. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him staring at you, and one might've described it as longingly.

"Okay." You obliged, giving him a weak and tired smile. You then got lost in thought again, thinking about going back. 

Maybe, just maybe, you needed to be alone for a while. Maybe without the daily routine you were drowning in, you could figure things out. And suddenly, you felt the urge to confide in Minghao.

"I want to go." You blurted, blinking rapidly. 

"I know." Minghao admitted, smiling at you sadly. He was facing you again, and you were facing him. You were fumbling with your hands until he took your hands in his, and soothingly stroked him thumb over the top of your hand. It was a gesture of comfort and acceptance.

"I'll come back, Minghao. I promise on whatever God is out there, I'll be back. I think I just need some time alone so I can figure everything out." You declared, letting your words slur knowing Minghao would understand every syllable. 

"Then let me teach you how to drive."

-

You tied your recently cut hair into a low pony tail, sighing while examining the map that was laid out in front of you. You were in a house somewhere on this street called "Alwood Avenue" merely camping in the residence for the night. You had been going from place to place for about three months now, not knowing exactly where you were headed. You were using this time to finally figure out who you were, and to put it bluntly, it wasn't going so well. 

Only a smattering of memories had come back to you on this seemingly infinitely lasting trip. Yet, you had gotten to know yourself much better. It had been 3 months since you've talked to Minghao, Joshua, or anybody really. You haven't come across survivors (face to face, at least) at all. You've watched from afar, making sure they didn't know of your existence. Then, you'd run away, farther from Fort Lockwood.

As you got to know yourself, you knew your promises were a genuine and heavy thing. You knew deep in your heart that you would return to the fort, even if it took years. But for now, you had yourself to worry about.

You boarded up the windows, and blew out all candles except the one that was in your hand. Nightfall occurred early, since it was mid January. The year was now 2041, the new year just passing. You finally blew out the last candle, swallowing yourself into a lonely darkness. You closed your eyes, gun tucked neatly under the couch you were sleeping on. You fell asleep at around six to seven in the evening, because it led you to wake up around dawn, just when the sun rose. 

And soon, you drifted off into a slumber, until you were greeted with something all too familiar.

_Raw, broken screams were escaping from your dry throat. The pain you were experiencing was unbearable, every single joint in your body was on fire. You screamed until you couldn't emit any sound, but whispers of cries of help was all that could be muttered. The Doctor stood there, face as blank as a wall, and suddenly injected you with a body numbing serum._

_Soon, the mind numbing pain faded away into a dull ache, as you struggled beneath the binds that held you tight. "Subject seems to be immune to virus D-3847. Experienced major pain, but no signs of turning were ensued." The Doctor concluded, speaking into a wiry microphone.  
_

_"Please stop!" You rasped, your breath heaving and quick._

_"Patient is still conscious, shows that she can withstand great amounts of pain. Please write this down, Y/L/N." The Doctor ordered, your father nodding while scribbling down notes. He looked at you with sad eyes, the eyes that screamed louder than a million words, the eyes that screamed louder than you did. You knew he was sorry, and that he had to do this in order to be trusted. You were 19, and you knew you would be leaving soon._

_Your dad promised, and he never broke a promise._

_"We're done for today. Patient Zero is free to roam the ship once she stabilizes." The Doctor announced, and then strode out of the room. Your father came dashing towards you, unbuckling the straps that clenched around your limbs._

_"I'm so sorry, sweetie." Your father cooed, a sign of his voice breaking in his tone. He looked and sounded like he was going to cry, but he kept strong for you. "Once you're down there, nothing can hurt you except the humans."_

_"Why me?" You rasped, voice hoarse and weak. "Why am I so special? Why do I have to be his experiment?"_

_"Because you're immune to the virus." Your father vacillated._

_"See? You're unsure too. How much longer must I withstand until I'm no longer immune?"_

_"That's not how it works, baby. Go wander the ship and read a bit, then meet me for training at 4." Your father softly said, and you just nodded and limped away. You then walked into the ship's library, and picked a book about plants off the shelf._

Your eyes tore open, while your heartbeat quickened mercilessly. You looked up to the morning sky, the pink swirls signifying that it was dawn.

You knew what you had just experienced wasn't just another dream. It was a memory, and quite a colorful one at that. You vividly remembered the pain, it seemed to linger on your skin with uncertainty. The shock of what your mind just recollected soon settled in, paralyzing you. 

You let out a hoarse cry, tears soon soaking your cheeks in rivers of ferocity. You sucked in harsh breaths, not exactly knowing how to deal with what you had just processed. You were an experiment, that much you knew.

And you were an experiment because you were immune. Immune to what, exactly? That ship was up there for at least twenty years, so how would you being immune to the virus down on earth correlate to anything? How could that  _possibly_ make sense? You threw your head back in confusion, your clammy and cold hands shaking slightly. In fact, your entire body was shaking, sweat dripping out of every pore. 

You forced yourself to get up, and you went over the map that was on the table beside you. Before that however, you snatched your gun from underneath the couch. You searched the cabinets in the dead kitchen to see if there was any untouched food, and you found a gross looking can of beans which you took gladly. Any food was fine, since you didn't enjoy hunting very much. You knew you were trained in it, but killing animals effected you greatly.

Eventually you knew you'd get used to it. The slitting of throats would become second nature, but for now everything was just a bit apprehensive. Killing humans wasn't an instinct to you just yet, yet you wondered if it would ever be an instinct. 

You got everything you needed, and peeked through the slits in the boarded up windows to find only a few of the infected walking among themselves. You walked outside extremely quietly, taking the smallest and most hesitant steps. 

You then sprinted towards your car, opening the door and locking it immediately. As the stragglers limped towards you slowly like they always did, you started the engine and drove away, to wherever your spirit wandered to.

-

You decided to head towards New York City, wanting to go to the convenience store you woke up in. Once you arrived, you ignored the poignant twinge in your heart at the bitter nostalgia that was present in the thick, cold air. The bitter iciness sent you into a magnified clarity, you were hyper-aware of everything happening around you. 

You parallel parked quite expertly (that skill being equipped from Minghao, of course) in between two old abandoned cars. You walked into the familiar store and observed the dry, quiet atmosphere. You did get some supplies you needed, like tampons and water, and brought those back to your car immediately. Then, you just walked around the store, looking behind the counter and in that bathroom filled with dried blood. The day was gray, which wasn't an abnormality due to the bleak winter threshold, but you felt more bland than the day outside. You felt like you were expecting something, but nothing was there. You were  _disappointed._  

Sighing, you toyed with the necklace on you, fiddling with the various rings. The rings were merely silver, but no design or imprint was found on them. You walked out of the store and hopped right back in your car. 

You noticed a group of about 20 walkers heading your direction, but it didn't really faze you in the slightest. It only made you pick up speed - until it stalled. Putting it retrospectively, your engine stalled. Your car refused to start and a what seemed like a massive group (only growing more massive by the second) of stragglers were heading toward you, and you sighed worriedly. 

You checked your rear view mirrors, and even more walkers were heading from behind you. You had no choice but to run.

So, you zipped out of the car and grabbed your backpack, along with a gun and everything you could hold. You cocked your now fully loaded gun, shooting whatever walker stood in your way. You maneuvered yourself through the thickening crowd of the infected, trying to get yourself out of the city. 

Then, due to your shit luck, you were trapped. You ran into an alley and found no other way out besides the way you went in, and the infected were just pouring in like rain. And slowly, the realization that  _this might be it_ came to your mind. You closed your eyes, bit your lip, and then grit your teeth, because fuck those infected bastards! You weren't going down without a fight.

So, you shot every walker you could, in the heart or head - whatever you could aim for, really. And then, you were out of ammo and you only had your trusty knife with you. Knowing that you were going on a suicide mission, you ran up to those meek bastards and stabbed them where the sun doesn't shine. 

You were barely winded, but the incessant monsters just kept pouring in, and you knew you didn't stand a chance. The clear realization was a stoic force in the back of your mind, but you just kept fighting because you didn't have all the answers you needed, you still had so many questions! 

Not only that, you weren't going to die at the hands of the infected. You had been through so much, and your death wasn't going to be an anti-climactic one. No, you would make sure your death would be an epic battle, in which you'd win despite if you lived. 

You relentlessly stabbed each of the infected that dared to inch near you, until you were  _very_ winded. And then, a miracle happened. 

The moment you heard a gunshot that wasn't yours, you dove to the side, hiding yourself from the opening in the alley. And soon, the walkers fell like mere dominoes, their deaths caused by rapid machine guns. 

Once you were sure they were all dead, you picked up your bag and fully prepared yourself to thank the strangers that had just saved your life. Instead, you came face to face with the opposite of a stranger. 

There standing was the group that you had once saved, and that seemed like an infinity ago. And at the front of the group was Josh and Hao, and you suddenly smiled with a temporary peace residing in your heart. The warmth that radiated from them on this cold day was insurmountable. You soon realized that nothing could replace the emptiness in your heart when you were without them. The few of you stood there, smiling like mere idiots, letting yourselves soak in the glory that you had finally found each other on that cloudy day.

"I promised you I'd be back." You shouted to Minghao, trying your hardest not to cry. 

"On God!" He shouted back, smiling fervently. You then ran past the two men, and then greeted Hansol, Junhui, Cleo, and Margo. You circled back to Hao and Josh, and you just smiled.

"Welcome back." Joshua croaked, smiling simply. His grin wasn't a weak one albeit, it was a strong and stoic one. It was a grin that had been through so much, but it still decided to bare its hardships and smile. He smiled for you.

And you smiled for him too.


	7. 7

The citizens of Fort Lockwood welcomed you back with open arms. You were eternally grateful for their warmth and kindness, and you constantly wondered why you even left in the first place.

You greeted everybody, and gave a special hug to Sonny, whom you had missed dearly. Seungkwan talked about how refreshing it was to finally have another doctor back, but you'd hardly consider yourself qualified in the field of medicine. 

Hansol and Junhui were very kind to you, and Junhui had said "We're finally even!" Half-jokingly, knowing that he owed you nothing. Hansol was still as quiet as you remembered him, but you knew the boy was brave. 

Your friends had held a big dinner for you in celebration of your return, and all of you talked lightly, bouncing from lighthearted subjects to more heavy ones masterfully. Yet, the serious subjects never put a damper on the mood, since you happened to be living in a very serious world. Everybody was kind, jubilant, and understanding. You hadn't mentioned the memories that had come back to you, and you didn't plan on diving into a topic that would  _definitely_ ruin the mood. 

Soon, the "feast" was over and you were going to head back to where you originally had stayed, Cleo and Margo's house. Everybody else was already gone except you, Josh, Minghao, and Hansol. Hansol soon left to go check the borders, and Minghao had decided to let you and Josh talk, even though he reluctantly left the room. You knew Josh was going to tell you to stay, so you didn't even bother to head towards the door. 

Joshua was about to open his mouth to speak, but you just ran into him and crumpled him into the tightest, most desperate hug you could muster. He returned the action with just as much passion, burying his face in the crook of your neck. The two of you just stood there, hugging one another with a longing you have never felt before. You finally detached yourself from the wiry man, and the two of you walked upstairs to his room. And suddenly, it was like it was in the beginning - you and him talking endlessly.

Yet, you knew things would be different this time. 

Before you left, you let everybody know you were going. Joshua didn't want you to go, mainly for selfish reasons he didn't verbally mention to you, but in the end he let you go. Every day a pit of anxiety was deep in his stomach, as frantic questions would buzz through his head constantly. His sleep was restless, and he wasn't focusing on being a leader or helping anybody. 

He was focused on you.

You two were soon sitting in a silent room, Joshua looking at you expectantly. "I guess I'll go first, then." You nervously chuckled, knowing that you'd have to explain everything Joshua had missed first.

So, you told Joshua the uneventful life you led for the first three months of being gone, and then went into depth about the earth shattering memory you had experienced. He asked various questions that you couldn't answer, yet you wished you could. Then, you were done explaining when you left off at the time where you reunited, Joshua warmly smiling at the thought. 

"So, what did I miss?" You asked, your gaze seeping into his. It's like you two melted together just like wax, you were the candle and whenever you connected a match was lit, igniting you into a beautiful mess of warmth. Everything was so warm, with Joshua you felt like you were at home. There was no spark, but instead it was a coat of comfort that enveloped you into a state of peaceful bliss. 

You didn't exactly know how you ended up in this position, but he was resting his torso against his wall, legs sprawled out in front of him, and you were sitting next to him, comfortably setting your head on his shoulder. 

"Remember Seungcheol?" Joshua asked. You froze slightly, as nervous anticipation bubbled in your stomach after the cryptic question was asked. You nodded.

"Well, turns out he has a little place like Fort Lockwood, and they've been searching desperately for us. We have to get to them before they get to us." Joshua heaved, as you sucked in a sharp breath. You couldn't help but blame yourself. They wouldn't be targeting Fort Lockwood if it wasn't for you and your reckless actions that costed lives.

"This is all my fault. I shouldn't have come back, they're probably just looking for me. I'll be gone, I'll go-"

"God, Y/N, not everything is your fault! We went there to save you willingly. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and Minghao. And to be honest, I've already lost you once. I'm not losing you again." Joshua declared, a certain authority rising in his previously soft tone. His gaze was hard and stoic, his brown orbs boring passionately into you. He was driven by a roaring flame of passion.

He didn't realize how much life sucked without you until you left. Every waking moment, you were in the back of his mind. He didn't dream a lot, but when he did you were in the hazy world with him. It was a parallel universe, and instead you two had met at some coffee shop instead of a regular day to day crisis like that one. It was a cliche first meeting, you had spilled coffee on him and gawked at his muscles, and he'd laugh and find your clumsiness quite endearing and cute. He'd ask for your number as some reconciliation, and you accepted not knowing what his intentions were. The rest was history.

In another life, things could've gone smoothly. Monsters nor people would be in the way of you two, and you could've gotten married and had kids. Joshua finally could've opened up the studio he had always wanted, and you would be right there, with him. You could've had one of those white picket fences, and a nice suburban house with a garden you always took care of. You'd get a dog, and name him something stupid because that's what your kids had wanted. 

But reality was a cruel, unstoppable force. No matter how much Joshua had wished for another life just with you, he was greeted with the harsh winds of winter, and the desolate world devoid of humans.

He was greeted to a world without you.

But now, you were back. And somebody would have to kill him to get him away from you.

Joshua's hand was tilting you drooping head up, his thumb on your chin, stroking it affectionately. You didn't realize how close your faces were until now, and you could feel his hot breath fanning on you.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered, nerves tugging at his heart strings. You nodded weakly, transfixed in his beautiful irises. Soon, you felt warm soft lips against your own, and a warmth spilled into you.

His kiss emitted a certain comfort, his touch hot and soothing. One wouldn't describe it was fire or excitement, it was just something that was supposed to happen. Joshua tasted like the fresh crisp airs of March. He tasted like the end of suffering was near, and soon the desolate winter abyss you were trapped in would melt away into a tranquil spring world. He tasted like new beginnings and a bubble of warmth coated your entire body, and as he set you on the bed you smiled against him. And as your lips danced with his, you felt it.

You were home.

Soon, the kiss turned into something more than just a yearning finally being met, it turned into something more desperate and steamed. He swiped his tongue against your bottom lip, and he soon deepened the kiss. 

That's all you did that night, you just kissed him and held him without knowing that things would be so different so soon, without knowing a war inside your own head and a war between two different worlds was approaching. 

-

About a week later, the word of you and Josh had gotten "around town". This set Minghao into a silent frenzy, and soon storms of over-exertion and stress rained down on him. He pretended to not be interested, or to not know, because he didn't want to hear the details of his best friend and the girl that's supposed to be  _his._ Instead, he followed Junhui on his nightly runs to gather supplies, or Hansol's expeditions to go and take out some of Seungcheol's team.

He avoided you like the plague, because he knew the moment you'd open your mouth to speak to him, everything would break. Any sliver of self control would dissipate, and he'd turn into a man over driven by a certain passion swimming in the depths of his brain, of his stomach, swimming in the depths of  _him._ Minghao was being controlled by his infatuation for you, since the last girl that made him feel that way was dead.

But, you had made up your mind. Yet, Minghao wasn't the kind of person to not go after something he wants. He was weighed down the the heavy load of internal conflict. He wanted to run to you and admit everything, all of the bottled up feelings and he wanted you to feel the same.

The situation he was in wasn't exactly simple, though. It screamed with the lungs of complication, and it pumped with the heart of desperation. His best friend was the opposing force, and he had done nothing but help him and save him from himself. Was love such an overriding force that it was proclaimed to be? Was he willing to risk his entire friendship for a slim chance that you might feel the same?

Soon, in the haziness that one might call his life, you and Hao had reconnected. And then all he could think about was you, and how desperately in love he was with you. You two had immediately reconnected, and the friendship you had was still fire, it was burning. It was new and excitement.

Minghao wasn't your home, he could never be that. Minghao would never be the source of comfort you so longed for, nor could he be the warmth that calmed you down from a stressful day.

Minghao was something else. He was the spark that ignited a fire of excitement in you. He was spontaneity, he was adventure. He was the adrenaline you felt, he was the quickening beat in your heart. 

Minghao was new. He was refreshing, like a cold splash of water to wake you up in the morning.  

But, you couldn't realize that. You were too preoccupied with feeling the warmth or comfort you've never felt before. Lying in Joshua's arms made you forget all of your worries, and your bodies would mold together perfectly. You two just fit, and it felt like the puzzle pieces of your life were all connected when you were with Josh. Josh was willing to do anything for you, he was driven by the overwhelming love and adoration he felt for you. And a part of Minghao knew that he would never admit his feelings to you, and that he would just give you the one-sided love that you would never reciprocate. He would appreciate you, and he would be the shoulder you could cry on after you had a fight with Josh or you were just a mess of hormones. 

In another life, he would be the guy to take you out to ice cream after your date stood you up. He would be the person you stayed up all night talking to on the phone, spewing whatever thoughts came to your mind, and he would just listen to you intently, because everything you said held the importance of a prophecy. He would just get lost in your beautifully crafted words, or your amazing soothing voice that would get raspy when you were tired. He would be the boy that loved you like no one else ever could, he would be the boy to endlessly wait for someone who was never going to come to him. 

Yet, a sliver of hope drove Minghao to get out of bed in the morning. Because one day, maybe you'd come around. But for now, he was just going to let you be happy, because that's all he wants. 

He knows he can't bring you the sense of comfort or safety that Josh did to you, and it ate at him mercilessly. He knows he can't be your home, or your sunshine, but god damn it you could be his! You  _were_ his home, his sunshine, his comfort, his  _everything._

But Joshua was yours, and Minghao just had to accept that.

-

"Look what I found." You coyly state, making Minghao furrow his eyebrows together slightly. Soon, you came walking into his plan room holding two bottles of booze. Minghao then raised his eyebrows and nodded approvingly. You closed the door behind you, and sat on his gray rug. His room was painted a nice mute gray, and his rug was a much darker, deeper gray. He had a brown wooden dresser, and a medium sized bed in the middle of his room. He had no pictures, which was common. Not everybody was lucky enough to scavenge a tangible memory after the outbreak happened, and you completely understood that. Sometimes, you were glad that you didn't remember much.

You had explained everything that happened to you when you were gone to Minghao right after you talked with Josh, and over a series of weeks your friendship had rekindled. Now, about a month since you've gotten back, everything was normal. You didn't exactly know what you and Josh were, but you really enjoyed it. He would take you on walks outside the Fort at night, and he would pluck flowers from the ground and put them in your hair and call you beautiful.

He only had eyes for you, yet so did Minghao.

"I've never gotten drunk before. Would you like to be my first drinking buddy?" You jokingly asked, resulting in a playful face palm from Minghao. 

"Never say that again. Anyway, I'm honored." Minghao deadpanned, and you just smiled and popped open the bottle.

A few drunk rants later, Minghao was extremely amused at your low tolerance. Yet, who could blame you? Back on the ship, they never let you drink! And it wasn't like Minghao was sober. At most, he was tipsy, but he acted much more drunk just to have some malicious fun.

"Hao, I- HU - love - HU - you." You mumbled, hiccuping in between each word. He giggled at your perseverance, and your undeniably adorable hiccups.

"Thanks." He emptily laughed, and you hit him weakly. He then chuckled some more, looking at your playful smirk and inebriated being.

"I m-mean it - HU - though. Like, serious - HU - ly, I love you, dude." You admitted, not really knowing what you meant by that. You loved Minghao like you'd love your best friend, a deep appreciation rooted in your bones, yet a certain infatuation with them. That was normal, right? You shrugged off the thought. You were drunk, after all.

You had never really had a best friend before, so what exactly were you supposed to feel? Were you supposed to feel a spark every time your hands brushed against one another, feeling that singe of electricity travel up your body? 

 _Drunk. You're drunk._ You thought, but the innocence of your friendship between you and Minghao was definitely something questionable. Enough of wondering if Minghao's intentions were pure, the real questions if yours were.

"I love you too, Y/N." Minghao lamented, the authentic nature of his words only hurting him. He knew you loved him, but it wasn't the love he felt for you. He felt oddly sober in this moment, so he took another swig. Yet, he just couldn't get drunk, he couldn't forget his love for you, there were so many things he couldn't do.

He couldn't make you love him, he couldn't admit that he was desperately in love with you, but he could be there for you. He could be your best friend, and enjoy your company even though he'd much rather be doing something much more intimate. 

"Oh Hao...I'm - HU - so confused. My memories - HU - just keep messing with me. Was I just a - HU - experiment?" You blubbered endlessly, having no point to your sudden unorganized words. 

"Why would they experiment on you?" Minghao questioned, shifting his position and cocking his head to the side.

"Because I'm  _immune._ " You mocked, making air quotes with your fingers when uttering the word "immune".

"Immune to what?" Minghao further asked, a certain clarity taking over his once slightly intoxicated state.

"I dunno," You muttered.

"Y/N, immune to w-"

"Fucking everything. They would just stab me with - HU - needles, and say all this fancy shit with numbers and how I showed no signs of - HU - turning." You explained, somewhat speaking in legato. Your words were slurred and connected together, but miraculously Minghao managed to understand you. What kind of drinking buddy would he be if he couldn't understand your drunk rambles? 

"Y/N," Minghao began, "what if you're immune...to the virus? What if you can't get infected?" 

You pondered the question. If you were sober, you would've been paralyzed with utter shock. How could you be so stupid? The answer was right there! But then, why would you be immune to a virus that broke out when you were in orbit? There were so many black holes devoid of any form of consolation. Instead, you were just floating around in a universe of unanswered questions.

Before you were going to speak, you heard a loud crash and then a scream. Minghao, already completely sober, got up and ran towards you. You heard someone scream, "WHERE IS SHE?" and you swore you recognized that voice, that cryptic and cold voice that sent chills down your spine. It was like being thrown into a cold shower, you would wake up suddenly but the icy stabs of water would still immerse you into an uncomfortable frenzy. It was cold, suffocating, and it reminded you of somebody that you used to know, although you'd hardly consider him a person.

"Minghao, I think they're talking about me." You worriedly mumbled, and he just nodded in understanding. Suddenly, the feeling of dread seeped into you, but you were still drunk. Instead of being a happy-go-lucky drunk, you were burdened with confusion. You couldn't think clearly, and you just couldn't remember whose voice that was, or why alcohol tasted so bad, or if you loved Minghao in the way you were supposed to.

Right now, you just wanted to run into Joshua's arms and feel the familiar warmth take over you. You just wanted to go home, so Josh could help you and kiss you, but maybe you could have two homes. Maybe your best friend could be your home, too.

"Go to sleep, Y/N. We're going to hide." Minghao ordered, and the fatigue of the day soon weighed your heavy eyelids down. If you were sober, lethargy wouldn't even make its way to you, but perhaps it was a good thing that you decided to drink.

 -

You woke up with a pounding, throbbing head. You were about to yelp out in pain until Minghao clasped his hand around your mouth. Various flashes of what happened the previous night flooded into your brain, incomplete bits and pieces leaving you in mere confusion. You recollected the sour taste of alcohol, the numerous drunk rants you spewed, the hiccups, but then it was blank. 

But then you remembered the voice. And although your head was aching horribly, the pain pumping through your body, and you ears were ringing and your eyes were seeing nothing but a blur of colors, those icy blue eyes seeped through the haziness.  _His_ icy blue eyes.

Your eyes widened, and you wanted to cry, you wanted to scream and run out and kill the bastard. You started to shake, and that's when Minghao took his hand off of your mouth and wiped away your tears. Even your best friend couldn't calm you down, although being in his arms was a minor consolation. Still, you vibrated with the fear pumping through your veins, your heart beat quickening and pumping the inexplicable fear throughout your body. You were petrified, and you were certain. You were certain that it was him, and you were certain that he was looking for you.

"Are you okay?" He whispered extremely quietly, and you shook your head and bit down on your lip preventing yourself from wailing with enough decibels to get you and Hao caught. You wanted to scream, just like when you were being experimented on. You wanted to shout and yell until your throat was dry, you wanted to wail out with the cry of your past, you wanted him to feel what he put you through. You wanted to scream and make him know what he did to you, and then you wanted to do the same to him. You wanted him to know what it felt like, to live to be experimented on and tortured. Anger and fear somehow merged together, and coaxed a wave of tears out of you.

"That man, he's looking for me," You began, "he's the one who experimented on me. He's The Doctor." Hearing the words was different than the thoughts ringing in your head. He had found you, but you couldn't let him get you. You thought you were safe from him, and in this cruel world where only a sliver of humanity is left, you thought you were finally free of him.

But things love to surprise you. Evil, evil things. 

And in that moment, you realized you've never seen Minghao looked scared. It took a lot to merely startle the man, nonetheless genuinely scare him. But the look on his face was consisted of pure, petrifying fear. You then realized you were hiding in the attic, and the outside was filled with the citizens of Fort Lockwood being forced out of their homes, guns to their heads. A sea of black vans with tinted windows were scattered throughout the premises. Your eyes scanned for his gruff face, tainted with a stubble of a beard and a sharp pointed nose. He always wore a sadistic smirk, or an unsatisfied glare when his experiments didn't work. You had never felt this kind of penetrating fear before, but the overwhelming force consumed you. You felt a pit in your stomach, and a lump in your throat you desperately tried to swallow.

How did they find you? That was the million dollar question. Any sense of safety you once felt in Fort Lockwood soon vanished and morphed into a paralyzing, earth shattering fear. Your memories didn't seem so far away now that they've come to chase you. 

Your past was back for more.

"We have to go,  _now._ " Minghao demanded, and you just nodded. You realized Minghao was holding a fully loaded gun in his hands, and you two searched the attic quietly, looking for any sort of weapon. 

"We're going to have to make a run for it." Minghao said, the horrible putrid colors of reality painting a disgusting picture of inevitability, and you were the main attraction. The painter was  _him,_ The Doctor, and the image was beautifully haunting. It displayed everything falling down, crumbling. It represented death, the fall of happiness, the victorious roars of evil.

It was war.

"No, they need our help! All of this could stop if I just hand myself over." You argued, but she shook his head while gritting his teeth. His jaw was clenched, and he looked furious and fucking terrified. You knew you couldn't bring yourself to go back to them. They would just take you and use you again. No, the next time you would be back would be to finally his reign once and for all. 

"No, they know where we are now. We have to go, and we'll figure it out from there." Minghao ordered, and then your mind wandered to the man that you loved. Handing yourself over didn't seem like such a crazy idea when he was at stake. The shaking of your body only increased, and all of this felt so surreal, but you knew it wasn't. It was just shock, coming in its first waves of denial.

"But Josh-" You cried, your voice cracking at the thought of the man you loved being hurt by these people. You shut your eyes to prevent more tears from falling out, and to block out the overpowering force of reality. You just wanted to escape it all, and go back to not remembering anything.

" _Y/N._ " Minghao pleaded, his voice on the brink of crying. You had never seen Minghao so desperate. To be fair, it was a desperate situation. So, you gritted your teeth, and shook your head. You would go with Minghao, because he needed you. This had to be shocking for Minghao as well, and he had to stay strong for you.

Why couldn't  _you_ be strong? How would you claim victory if you were just a feeble experiment? 

No, you wouldn't let yourself be weak. You would remain strong until the end, whether you lived or died trying to put your troubles to rest. Either way, a peace will be achieved, but you had to be strong to get it. You sucked in a weak, choked breath and looked in Minghao's hurt eyes. They were a fiery brown, a brown that elicited a sort of passion to them. The brown orbs were strong, experienced, and had a past to them. You could almost see the past in his eyes.

Your eyes, however, seemed hollow. They were worn down, whatever naivety or innocence that once remained in them coaxed out. The passion would be back in them, soon. You promised yourself that.

Truth be told, it hurt Minghao that you thought of Joshua in this situation. But, he brushed off the impaling feelings and took your hand, and the two of you ran. Through the gun fire, you managed to get out of Fort Lockwood unnoticed and unscathed. You would let the reality sink in tomorrow, you would let the selfishness of your actions suffocate you tomorrow. 

But today, you ran with Minghao right by your side. And no matter how much you wanted to turn back, your affection for Minghao made you stay. Your desperation to win something is what drove you to stay with Minghao.

Not only that, he was pretty good company. And together, you could help mend one another. Both of your wounds, literal and metaphorical, were numerous and had duality. Slowly, if you let him, he could heal you.

And you could heal him too.

As dawn approached and the screams of Fort Lockwood could be heard no more, your pace slowed down and you walked hand in hand with Minghao, and his trusty pistol, to a new tomorrow.

You would save them, and you would  _kill_ The Doctor.

"I'll be back." You promised aloud to Fort Lockwood.

"On God." Minghao finished, and your grip on him tightened.

 

 


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will be quite boring, it's not necessarily a filler, it's just a chapter that i have to publish or else things will be rushed.  
> anyway, here's a quote that perfectly describes this book.  
> "love is the foundation of nobility." - gerda weissman klein   
> (also, i didn't name minghao's late gf because there's a small chance it could be your name!)

You awoke in the familiar room tucked in Minghao's arms. You were in the bunker, the place you stayed at when the herd was passing through. Minghao knew his way by heart, and the two of you found a car that Minghao started up and drove here (of course parking very far away, not wanting to attract suspicion). You would frequently have nightmares and Minghao would make his way into your room, and he'd hold you until you fell asleep. 

You had never felt the fear of your past catching up to you, and the feeling was burdening and heavy. You despised it with all of your might, hating the power of your memories. Even with The Doctor back, your head was still hazy. You hadn't fully processed what had happened, even if it did happen a week ago. Minghao was the clear headed one, even if he was just as worried as you.

Time was not on your side. The longer you waited meant the higher possibility of your friends being dead. Not only that, you knew that they were searching for you - the scientists -. 

That  _he_ was searching for you. Whether it was him or his minions, they were on a hunt and you were their perfect little prey.

You had wondered what went wrong with your father's plan, because you knew that he would've never agreed to go back down to earth. You knew he was dead,  _you just knew,_ but denial can sometimes be an unstoppable force. In this case, you welcomed it with open arms. Comprehending what had happened to you these past few days, weeks, hell - even months, was a mentally draining action. A part of you just wanted to run away again, and never come back. 

But, even problems that you couldn't remember followed you, so what's the use? Problems that didn't even begin on this planet still made their way to you. There was no escape, and you weren't a coward.

So you'd do what you were best at - fight.

You shook Minghao slightly, and a slight gruff moan elicited from his chapped lips. He sighed, tearing his eyes open to look into yours. "Morning." He greeted, giving you a small smile that you desperately needed. The smile was a simple gesture that usually would comfort you, but it set ablaze a small little fire in your heart. You felt butterflies, and you had no clue why.

"Morning." You responded, sighing. You didn't even remember going him coming into bed with you, you just remembered being scared and then not. Hell, your dream couldn't even resurface in the depths of your mind. Everything was hazy.

The two of you got up out of the bottom bunk, and he ran into the other room to change. You changed your clothing to heavy layers, since the frigid winds of February were relentless. It was freezing in the bunker, and you scolded yourself for getting used to electricity so quickly when you moved back to Fort Lockwood. 

You met each other in the hallway, wordlessly heading outside of the bunker to go and get some supplies. You stole the clothes you were wearing from a corner store, they weren't even your size but you were absolutely freezing when you left the fort. Your biggest concern was freezing to death, but a fire burning inside of you is what kept you at bay. 

The two of you went in your separate directions, you going to one of the fully stocked basements of a warehouse near by (supplied by Wonwoo) and slowly hauled food, water, and weaponry to your bunker. Minghao did the same as you, and soon when small little flutters of white started falling from the sky, you stopped. 

You had never seen snow before coming to Earth, and you were still not used to the fascinating weather pattern. Minghao looked at you with an unreadable expression in his eyes, as you observed the white flakes with wonder. He smiled to himself, realizing how much of an alien you were. Who knew humans could be aliens? But, he was used to the snow, his parents would make him shovel it every winter, and he'd play it in with his friends and girlfriend. 

Minghao hadn't thought about his late fiancee in a while, actually. He had been too preoccupied with ogling over you. He knew that she would've wanted him to be happy and move on, but he still can't help but feel a twinge of guilt in his heart whenever he looks at you. The biggest person holding Minghao back was himself. A war inside his head was going on, and that was piled on with heaps of calamity and life threatening situations. A dead fiancee wasn't exactly a nice asset, it was only another thing that burdened him - another load to carry on his shoulders.

"Minghao look," You started giddily, "it's snowing." 

"I noticed." He retorted, smirking playfully. You just shook your head and smiled to yourself, a smile that didn't reach your eyes like it usually did. Minghao felt a pang of pain in his heart every single time you wore the facade of a smile, knowing you were internally conflicted and just plainly sad. He knew you worried for Josh, and Minghao did too, but he knew your love for him is what fueled your worry.

Even in dire situations, he couldn't help but realize how he was so desperately in love with you. 

And it hurt so fucking much knowing that the love was one-sided. 

He tried to distract himself from his love for you by coming up with plans to get his friends safe, or thinking of dance routines to old songs he learned before everything went to shit. Yet no one seems to grasp how much of an unstoppable force love is. Love is the root of your actions, love is the unknown purpose that convinces people to get out of bed in the morning. Love is what made you keep fighting, even if it hurt so much to do so.

"I'm scared." You blurted, not needing to mention what you were scared of, for Minghao knew and felt the same. The snow wasn't so comforting anymore.

"Me too, Y/N." Minghao admitted, looking at the snowflakes caught in your hair. 

"Minghao, remember the night we got drunk?"

"You mean when  _you_ got drunk?" Minghao deadpanned with a heaping amount of sass, and you snorted. Minghao was the comic relief you needed desperately. You were eternally grateful for him, for you were convinced your sanity would've disappeared a long time ago without him.

"That doesn't matter. I just remembered something, we were talking about me being immune." You muttered, letting the words hang in the frosty air. The snow continued to pour with a much more spiteful force now, along with Minghao's shock.

"I don't know Y/N. How will we ever know? It's too risky to test it out." Minghao argued, not wanting to believe in the false hope that was protruding through the crevices of you. He didn't want to put his faith into something that could end his suffering, the world's suffering, he had done it before and the disappointment was earth shattering. He was already putting his hope in you, a false and blind hope that one day you might love him back, and deep in the depths of his heart he knew you'd never feel the same.

Yet, Minghao dealt with denial problems just like you did. 

"Just think about it, Hao. Why else would I be an experiment? They want to see how everybody else could be immune-"

"How the hell does that make sense? If you lived in orbit, how could the virus  _possibly_ affect you?" Minghao interrupted, and he did ask a good question.

But you had an even better answer.

"Because they made the disease. Because..." 

A memory interrupted your words. 

_You walked through the icy and grey corridors, wandering in territories you shouldn't have set your feet in. But, curiosity was your biggest weakness, especially at the meek age of 10._

_Curiosity is what kept you from going insane. The fact that things could amaze you was spectacular. You were a fighter, not letting the horrible physical and mental toll the experiments took on you affect your attitude._

_You heard growls, ugly loud ones that elicited hunger and vulgarity. You followed the noises, wondering what they could possibly be coming from. You opened a door that was surprisingly unlocked, to a white room filled with clear, shatterproof glass screens everywhere. Behind these screens were plain white rooms, and ugly creatures with completely white eyes and chattering teeth. Their hair was thinning and falling out, their flesh on the brink of decaying. To the adolescent you, they looked like monsters._

_But you've seen monsters before, you've dealt with them, you've been at the hands of them. So, these ones didn't faze you in the slightest._

_And there was a cart in front of one of the screens, and on the cart was a vile filled with a familiar green color. It had been the serum you've been injected with so many times, and it was here in the open._

_You knew it was powerful, but why? Why did you get a bad feeling when looking at those creatures behind the screens? They were a different kind  of monster. The kind that were thoughtless and primitive. The kind that were sick and so far gone a second after they leave._

_Fear suddenly engulfed you, and you ran swiftly out of the room, through the corridors, and to the library. Ever since your father had began training you, your lying skills were perfected. So, when asked where you were by one of The Doctor's subordinates. you expertly fibbed and he believed you effortlessly. And from that point, you never went down those corridors again._

"Y/N?" Minghao asked, jogging over to you. Your eyes were squeezed shut, and you felt every little emotion that 10 year old you experienced while walking through those corridors. You felt the fear in your stomach, and you felt the corrupted innocence. Were you ever innocent? You hope so. You hoped that you were once oblivious to the harsh reality of the world, you had hoped you were once naive and  _free._

"Because those psychos created the virus." You spat, realization washing over you like a fiery volcano immersing the city of Pompeii into ashes. The fierce realization ignited something in you that you have never felt before, pure rage. You felt the heat of your feelings take over you, and your breathing was hot and ragged in the icy snow. With your fury, you could melt this winter abyss and turn it into a scathing summer.

"What? Then how would it get down to Earth, Y/N-"

"There were pods you could go down to Earth with. It's how I got here, they go down and immediately fly back up. They must've put one of the infected on a pod."

"Why the hell would they do that? Huh? Why would they bring down the reign of the human race? You're making no sense, Y/N." Minghao spewed, and you just shook your head, blind with rage. 

"I don't know. I will one day, Minghao, and I'll get the answers out of The Doctor. We're going to invade Fort Lockwood, and we're going to kill every single one of those bastards, and-"

"You sound bat shit fucking crazy!" Minghao screamed, and you denied him because he was  _wrong,_ you felt it in every fiery inch of your body. Everything was burning, it was so different from the icy clarity you once felt. No, it was the answer you've needed desperately, and it burned with the power of a furious fire. 

"Do you know what they did to me?" You asked rhetorically, knowing that Minghao would answer anyway. You had told him the explicit nature of the experiments performed on you, you had showed him all of your scars - both internal and external.

"Of course I do." Minghao said, his tone softening; the sudden realization that you have been through pain that Minghao could not even begin to fathom. 

"Then you'll help me."

And so he did. He helped you in more ways than one, and you realized that you could never repay the selfless man that was Minghao Xu.

Yet, you did just by existing. You were more than enough to him, and he had hoped you would realize that.

-

"Okay, so we're going to ambush at night, usually when everybody except the guards are sleeping. How many people were on that ship with you?" Minghao explained, ending the explanation with a question. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, his black mullet messy and disheveled. 

"Not a lot. About 200 people, Fort Lockwood has a larger population." You answered, and he nodded while making marks on a map displayed on the pool table of the entertainment room. 

"We go in silently. We have silencers for our guns, and we're both very slick and quiet fighters. Plus, not everybody from that ship is down here."

"They're just down here to look for me and then go." You muttered, almost shivering at their cryptic intentions. 

"I won't let that happen." Minghao promised, sincerity oozing from his rough tone. His eyes bore into you, and you knew he meant every word he just said. You knew he had a deep rooted appreciation for you, you knew he would sacrifice his life for you, but you just didn't know why. What drove him to do such noble things for you? You returned his gaze with the same fire that it held, and no words needed to be said for you to tell him that you believed him.

"Okay, so we go in at night. Then what else?" 

"We knock out or kill everyone we don't recognize. If it's The Doctor, we capture him. We need answers." 

You felt an odd peace in your heart. You knew that the chances of your plan succeeding were slim, especially since it was just the two of you versus some powerful scientists. Yet, you know that you would either accomplish what you've wanted, you would've avenged yourself - or you would've died trying.

Minghao was about to walk away to go to sleep, since you two attacked in two days, but you held onto his slim yet muscular arm. You heard his heartbeat quicken at your touch, and his fierce eyes looked down at you with yearning.

"Thank you." You fervently lamented, and then pulled Minghao into the most sincere and real hug you could muster. He hugged you back without any hesitation, the feeling of his strong arms encasing you igniting a bubble of excitement in your stomach. You pulled away, your faces in very close proximity. Your noses were basically touching, and your doe eyes looked into his fierce ones with the same expression he looked at you with.

Yearning.

But then you thought of Joshua, and he was the main reason you were doing all of this, so you pulled away and bid him good night.

"Y/N." He called out, and you turned around, the distance between you much vaster. It felt like he was an infinity away, but in reality he was  _right there._ He had been right there for all this time, and he will always be  _right there._

"Yes?"

"We're either winning together, or going down together." Minghao vacillated, and you knew exactly what he meant. You wanted to argue, and say that he should save himself if he could, but you knew you wouldn't save yourself if you were in his situation.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." You croaked, smiling boldly. He then nodded, hands clasped together in front of him, and walked back into his room. "We're in this together," You whispered to yourself, because you needed to hear it the most. 

And then you thought of your father, and maybe he needed to hear that too. Wherever he was, you just hoped he was happy. You hoped death was the end in his case, so he could rest eternally. 

And if everything went to shit, you hoped you could rest eternally, too. 

-

Soon, tomorrow came with roaring anxiety. The angst in the air was a force to be reckoned with, and the nervous way you ate your breakfast basically screamed  _I am scared, someone comfort me._

Minghao whispered words of encouragement, not fully lucid just quite yet. It was early morning, and he was lost in thought.

The realization that tomorrow could in fact be the end to Minghao Xu's life was sinking in, the reality of his upcoming actions slapping him upside the face. He was willing to die, because he knew his life wasn't going to be a lengthy one in a world like this. He just wished he could've said goodbye to everyone.

And then he figured out that he could say goodbye to you, and you could do the same. 

Minghao was never a quiet man. He spoke his mind confidently, no matter how obnoxious he sounded. His witty remarks and defensive attitude weren't the ideal package, but you accepted it. You accepted  _him._

And suddenly, he felt the urge to spill everything. He could keep a secret, that's for sure, but when he knew that the possibilities of him dying were very large, he felt the overpowering urge to just scream  _I love you._ He didn't want to die with something to ponder about in the after life. He didn't want a "what could have been" moment. Minghao had very little regrets, but none of them consisted of the things he didn't do. If Minghao wanted something, he'd at least try to get it.

But he never tried to get  _you._

Would his biggest regret be refusing to admit his love for you?

But then Minghao knew that he wouldn't let that happen. Minghao Xu wasn't going to have a single regret involving you - in fact, meeting you was a moment he will always treasure. Even the black hand of death couldn't suppress his almighty love, his love for you would continue to leave on eternally after you died. He knew this because he would soak up the courage to utter the oh so precious words to you, and those words would hang in the icy air of February forever.

No one could silence Minghao. He wouldn't be his own worst enemy this time, and he'd make sure of that.

-

Joshua sat down in the chair, his wrists and ankles strapped in. He was covered in horrendous gashes, bruises, and odd marks. Blood seeped from the new wound on his leg, given to him by that asshole doctor, and pain rang in every inch of his body like an echo. Somebody was continuously shouting and the pain was ricocheting off of himself, only to deflect back on to him. This was a repetitive and infinite process, the end he so longed for no where in sight.

He knew where you and Minghao went. But he would never tell, because locked at the bottom of his heart was a hope he felt, call it a hunch, but he knew you were going to save him.

Joshua loved you so much, to put it bluntly and quite vaguely. The thing that kept him alive and from going insane was  _you._ He'd relive memories while being tortured, you being the star of every single one. He knew you didn't leave without some help, he knew you were with Minghao. He knew Minghao wanted to save you, and unlike you he  _knew_ why.

Everybody knew why. Joshua was out of the loop for a while when it concerned the gossip of Fort Lockwood, but when he heard that you and Minghao had left, it was obvious. Joshua wasn't an idiot, he was quite smart actually. So, it didn't take a while to put the puzzle pieces together.

He knows feelings aren't things that can be controlled, but he still felt a twinge of resentment towards his best friend.

He would continue fighting for you, no matter what. 

He had no idea what was going on in Fort Lockwood, all he remembers was being escorted into the gym Minghao used to work out in (and train  _you_ in). And then he remembers being tortured by the man who  _must_ be The Doctor, being fed very bleak and shitty meals, and hearing the screams of his friends. He had no idea if they were okay, which was the most pressing and gnawing fact that ate at him every single moment he was awake. In his dreams, he dreamed of you and him and everything was okay, and he was suddenly back in that parallel universe with you and the kids. 

You kept him sane, even without being there. That displayed your sheer power over him, how you intoxicated him endlessly. He was under a spell of yours that you didn't even mean to cast, but Joshua was into clumsy women anyway.

He knew, in his heart, that his friends were fighting just as much as him. He knew that they would say nothing, and they would keep mum even if it killed them. But what Joshua didn't know was the health of his citizens. 

These bastards couldn't kill all of them, or else they'd be weak and lost in the fundamental dynamics of Fort Lockwood. They needed the citizens to navigate their way through the complex fort, or so Joshua hoped.

He didn't think about the alternative, though. 

"Still not talking, huh?" The Doctor hissed, as he patted a bloody club against his hand. 

 _Funny, he goes all retro when he's a fucking scientist. Why not torture me with substances or some other shit?_ Joshua thought, his black humor making him chuckle darkly. It was a scary laugh, a desperate and crazy one to put it quite simply. The smile was cryptic and held so many layers beneath it, and he would not show a single one.

The Doctor does not react kindly to Joshua's laughing, resulting in a punch to the jaw. Joshua grunted in pain, but he didn't utter a single word. The ache was a dull one, but it was loud and made his ears ring. Joshua swallowed dryly, trying his hardest to distract himself from the pain.

Unsurprisingly, you flashed in his mind.

"Just tell me where they are. Where  _she_ is. Then, we'll take her and never bother you again." The evil man thickly persuaded, trying to get under Joshua's skin. The trapped man merely shook his head and clenched his jaw, the pain radiating throughout the lower right region of his face. 

He shook his head no. He didn't care about that, he just wanted you. He was being irrational and selfish, but that's what love can do to you. It can dent your entire view on the world, either darkening or lightening it. 

Yet, Joshua wasn't going to lose you, even if that meant he had to lose everything else.

"You know why we want her, right?"

Joshua remained still, in the same jaw clenching position he was in before. To be fair, the only alterations he could make in his position were in his face or torso, but they were minor. It was too painful to move anything else, and he was bound by very tight ropes.

"She's immune to the virus. She holds the key to the cure." The Doctor admitted, expecting a dry gasp, but instead he got a cold response.

"There is no cure." Joshua sternly spewed, speaking to this man for the first time.

"Ah! So you do talk! But if there is a cure, it's in her-"

"Shut the fuck up! There is no fucking cure, so stop torturing her to get one." Joshua spat, struggling underneath the ties he succumbed to.

"Nobody meant for it to go this far." The scientist whispered cryptically, and Joshua refused the urge to show his confusion. The Doctor took his silence as an invitation. "It was just supposed to be a disease, and then we'd cure it. And then we'd go down in history. But you see, sometimes things get out of hand, and other plans fall through."

"What are you saying?"

"We - I - created the virus. But then it went much farther than I intended, and it was contagious - and the cure didn't work. We worked on Y/N for  _13_ years to make a cure, because she was immune to every thing out there. But the disease was...Amplified. It turned into much more than it was intended to be, therefore our original cure didn't work. We tried to muster some cure out of the only girl that was immune, but then she fucking escapes."

"You created this? You're the reason everybody is FUCKING DEAD?" Joshua wretchedly asked, feeling primordial and uncivilized. He felt dirty in this man's presence, for he merely created a disease he thought he could cure for what?

Fucking fame?

Even if he didn't mean for it to get out of hand, his plan still involved people dying due to his actions.

He was a sick, sick man.

"Why are you telling me this?" Joshua hoarsely questioned, suddenly feeling bile pile up at the back of his throat. So many people died...because of a man with a selfish dream. He had the blood of  _billions_ on his hands, yet not one shred of guiltiness was felt.

"Because," The Doctor said while picking up a vile with a green serum in it, "you'll die having your questions answered."

And Joshua knew it was the end the moment The Doctor plunged the syringe into his blue veins, and the last image that flooded his mind was one of you, him, and the two kids you had.

In another life.


	9. 9

Peace. 

That's what Joshua felt when a blackness engulfed him. And then suddenly, he was Joshua Hong no more.

-

You and Minghao had been preparing for this night endlessly. You restlessly slept the previous night, but adrenaline kept you fresh and alert. It was 5 PM, and due to the wintry wonderland that was New York, the sun set quite early. Therefore, you and Minghao drove while going over the plan endlessly. 

You knew what you were going to do, and you knew what the probable outcome was. But, you had run out of options - it was either fight or run away, and that never worked. You parked about a mile away from Fort Lockwood, and walked over amid the frigid, bitter air. You could see your breath, and the snow from the previous evening was sloppy and bitter. 

You didn't care, nothing at this point could stop you. 

You had sneaked up to the walls where the camp was, in dark black clothing which wasn't nearly warm enough for your comfort. You clasped your trusty gun in your hand, and a knife was tucked in your waistband, along with ammunition. Minghao's layout was the same, and as the two of you crouched beneath the trees, remaining hidden from the guards at the wall, Minghao knew he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"This is where we go our separate ways." You mumble, avoiding eye contact with him, knowing that this could be the last time you see each other. And suddenly, even in the close proximity, Minghao seemed so far away from you. 

"I have to tell you something." Minghao admitted, whispering with a raw-esque. You looked into his eyes expectantly, and suddenly the calamity of the situation oozed with an eerie tranquility, because Minghao would die knowing he said it. He held your hands in his, his fingers trembling slightly.

"I love you, Y/N." Minghao confessed, and you knew it wasn't a platonic or casual love - you knew the love he was talking about. "If things weren't like this, I would've let you be happy with Josh, but I might die tonight. And I refuse to die knowing that I didn't tell you how much I fucking love you, Y/N." 

The shock of his secret being revealed overwhelmed you immediately. The heat of his words in the winter air coaxed a feeling of comfort in you. You exhaled a shaky breath, suddenly not wanting to leave Hao's side. You knew - you fucking knew - that you were here for Josh. Suddenly, his uncanny protection he comforted you with made sense. Everything did.

Yet, hearing those heavy words lifted you up and weighed you down. He had burdened you and excited you. 

You didn't return the words, but he wasn't expecting that. He wasn't expecting you to feel a sliver of love for him, and neither did you.

But you felt it, the spark that erupted in your stomach whenever he touched you, and the fire that the place he touched was on stayed burning long after he let go. Minghao was excitement, and Joshua was home. 

The question was - which did you long for more?

"May we meet again, Minghao Xu." You croaked, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Whether it's in this life or the next, I hope we find each other all over again." 

"I'll be looking forward to it." Minghao grinned, his beam weak and fragile. You returned the smile, and this time it did reach your eyes.

As Minghao and you parted, and the screams of war were heard in the dead winter night, a newfound determination bloomed in you. You were going to see Minghao again, whether in this life or your next one. 

-

Minghao sneaked through the camouflage of the trees and bushes right underneath the watch towers. Within seconds, he shot both of the guards in the head, the sound unheard due to the trusty silencer on his gun. He noticed the other two other rushed to open the doors a bit, and Minghao recognized them as citizens. He smiled, glad that at least somebody he knew was alive.

Minghao saw you dash through the meek opening in the gates, and he followed a few minutes after. The two of you went in separate directions, him flanking right and you left. Minghao stuck to the walls of houses, trying to get to the fort's hospital. It was a warehouse, but it was endlessly supplied with the necessities you needed in case of a dire emergency.

He eyed the guards in front of the building, and he knew he didn't recognize them. He then noticed that there were guards in front of every house, all whom he didn't recognize. They held guns and maintained stern faces. He figured they're there to prevent people from escaping. The Doctor had a problem with people who tried to escape, especially you.

He peeked into the window of a one floored house, and saw a man in a white lab coat playing with syringes as a vulnerable woman looked at him with fear in her eyes. She was tied down, and Minghao didn't want to let this happen, but he would completely blow their cover if he barged into their house and shot that man.

He fought the urge that tugged at him mercilessly, and continued to "take out" guards that he didn't recognize, or even scientists. He now knew what The Doctor looked like, so he had his eyes open for him. The bitter winter air kept him awake, and the sound of his heart beating echoed in him. Thoughts of you flashed through his mind, and flashes of his friends that he left behind did as well.

This time he wasn't going to run. He was going to fight.

Soon, a scream erupted in the air. It wasn't yours, he knew your voice, but Minghao noticed the absolute lack of reaction from all of the guards. It didn't take long for Minghao to realize that screams of pain were a casualty here. 

Minghao refused the urge to shiver.

He stalked down the back of houses, back brushing against the wall located in the backyards of peoples' homes. Minghao's job was to merely weaken The Doctor's forces as much as possible, while distracting everybody so you could sneak in and save your friends, among other things that involved The Doctor. 

Minghao then felt a hand press against his mouth, preventing him from emitting any noise. Out of instinct, he bit the hand but then heard a yelp of pain. Minghao whipped his body around and then saw no one other than Sonny, smiling sadly.

"I spotted you when in my house. Sneaked out, since it's past curfew."

Minghao immediately hugged his long time friend, and she returned it weakly. Sonny's regular blond locks looked lighter, and she was pale. Her eyes looked hollow, Sonny overall looked worn out and fatigued. 

"What the hell happened after we left?" Minghao whisper-shouted, his voice worrisome and etched with concern.

"A lot. I don't know how Josh, Jun, Kwan, Hansol, or Wonwoo are doing. Margo and Cleo are forced to help them out, along with me. We're not allowed anywhere near the hospital, or else they'll kill us."

"Sonny..." Minghao lamented, feeling the urge to cry. This place was once their heaven in a world full of hell, and now it was hell too. 

"They killed Seungcheol's team effortlessly...They attacked a few nights ago. I'm just here to tell you good luck, buddy. Everybody being experimented on is in the hospital, and the regular citizens just work their day to day jobs, except now they have a gun pointed at them while they do it. Please save us, Hao.  _Please._ " Sonny murmured, her voice sounding like it was about to break. Hell, she looked like she was going to break. She was skinny and frail, nothing like the woman Minghao remembers as bright and energetic. 

"Thank you, Sonny. Go home now, I can't risk you being killed. If things don't work out, you had no idea about this - okay?" Minghao ordered, but the blond girl refused and shook her head. Sonny was about to walk away, until she shook her head and bit her lip, obviously troubled.

"No. I'm going with you, and we're going to take down these bitches together. I'm going to see Jun again, even if I have to kill somebody." Sonny spat, a new fire burning in her. It reminded Minghao of himself, and how he would do anything for you.

Suddenly, Minghao smiled. Then, Sonny showed a kitchen knife she had been hiding. "This is all I'll need." She grinned, and soon the two of them ran to the hospital, knowing it was do or die.

-

You flanked to the left, knowing you had to stay much more hidden than Minghao. Your face was an enigma, everybody was searching for you so these people "could leave". But why should you believe The Doctor and his apprentices? All they ever do is lie.

You were driven by a rage that burned deep within you, and you killed whatever doctor you recognized on the spot. Any of the guards that were in your way stood no chance to the wrath of Y/N Y/L/N, for you were a flame that burned with the power of passion. 

You stabbed, shot, and even choked. While sneaking in from the back of the hospital building, you slit a guard's throat that was heading towards you. Another guard was just about to shout, but you threw a knife at his head, and he fell instantly. The blood oozed out of the deep punctured wound, bubbles popping in the hot steamy liquid. His head was covered in a burning red, and you ripped the knife out eliciting a slick sound or metal against skin. 

You knew you couldn't use your gun too much now, because even with the silencer it would make too much noise. So now it was you and your trusty knife, which had the power of a scythe.

You then went into the hospital through the back doors, hoping there were no cameras watching you. You locked the door behind you, and looked through the building. There were doors everywhere, and a main room that was like a foyer. You heard screams - some familiar and some not - erupt from behind the closed doors. You clenched your jaw, knowing that it was these bastard's doing.

Scientists were walking through the halls, going in and out of rooms. How many were there? Did everybody really come down back to Earth?

You waited for Minghao's cue, which was him making a fucking ruckus. Soon, gunshots rang out, and the scientists closed their doors and guards from inside rushed to the outdoors.

Your time was limited, and so was Minghao's. You open the first door to your right, finding Junhui screaming mercilessly at the hands of a familiar female doctor. You were on her in seconds, slitting her throat, blood squirting from it like lava from a volcano eruption. 

"Hi." You greeted, smiling at the weak man more feebly. You ran over to him, and detached whatever IV was singed into his skin, and untied every limb that was constricted to the table. "Minghao is okay, in case you're wondering. Although right now, he might not be." You admitted. Junhui forced himself up, groans of pain falling from his chapped and cut lips. He wore a plain white hospital gown, and you knew he wasn't stable enough to fight. 

"Do you know where they keep your clothing?" You asked, and he pointed to a cabinet above a sink, and you opened it and threw his clothes at him. "I won't look." You said, facing away from him. Junhui giggled sadly, and soon the man was dressed. "Can you walk?"

"They usually give me this purple serum after they...uh...ya know-"

"They call it Aftermath. I took it all the time." You interrupted, and found the purple liquid effortlessly. You then delicately injected him with a normal dose for a regular sized man, and he immediately breathed a sigh of relief.

You were convinced that there was some magic in Aftermath, because Junhui immediately recuperated, and some color returned to his face. Yet, his eyes remained the same stoic way they were before.

"Can you fight?" You asked, and he just nodded. You searched the dead woman, and found a gun on her. You handed it to Junhui, and he just smiled at you and ran his slim fingers over the weapon.

"Do you know where everybody is?" You questioned with a bit of consolation in your voice. You knew exactly what he needed, and that was to be treated like an adult. You were in his situation before, after all.

"No, they transport me after they put me to sleep. I don't know if they're even alive." Junhui emptily explained. His words were hollow, just like his faraway expression. Soon, tears swam in his eyes, and pooled down his face pathetically. You avoided the pool of blood on the floor, and wiped it off of yourself before you gave him the best hug you could muster.

"They did this to me for 13 years. Focus on the rage, Junhui. Focus on it and let it consume you to the point where you get your revenge." You hissed, getting angry thinking about what they did to Jun.

He sniffled and nodded.

"Let's go." You ordered, and he nodded with the rage that consumed you as well.

-

Minghao and Sonny were fighting endlessly, shooting and killing whatever guards were in their way. He fought for you, Josh, Kwan, his best friend that followed him from another country - Jun, Hansol, and he fought for himself. He was blind with his rage, knowing that they tortured the people he cared about.

Sonny was weaker, but she still put up a good fight. She was doing exceptionally well for a girl with just a kitchen knife, but Minghao believed she was doing it for Junhui. 

That was the power of love. Love could control you like a marionette, so many strings were attached. Sure, being in love did give somebody the sense of euphoria they've been longing for. But love is an unstoppable force. Love makes you feel everything, and soon people find themselves doing things they never thought they would've done - all for love. Love's battle cry was more furious than the fiercest warrior's scream of terror, love's power was greater than any leader's, love was larger than life. Love was what made Minghao do this, it was the foundation of his actions.

Minghao had killed, cried, and ran away all in the name of love. Even the most stoic souls are susceptible to the all powerful state of mind, but love of material or glory is what drives them. Love doesn't have to be for one another, love can be for anything.

Love can drive you fucking insane.

Minghao fought relentlessly, blood across his clothing and the floor, the guards going crazy and trying to keep the citizens indoors. He knew he had to do something big  _now,_ or else he wouldn't survive to see the sun rise tomorrow.

So, he grabbed Sonny's hand and shot aimlessly as they ran inside, and locked the doors behind them. The doors were steel, and they were soon boarded up with tables and chairs from the main foyer.

Then, Minghao saw you and Junhui running into another room, guns in both of your hands. He was slightly perplexed on how Jun got a gun, but a small and brief feeling of peace coated his heart knowing that his best friend was alive.

Sonny smiled to herself too, but she knew she couldn't call out his name and go run to him - or else it would distract him. 

The steel doors were constantly being assaulted, the vibration and shaking of the doors forcing Minghao to move every time, but he bounced back and pushed with all of his might so the doors would open. "Go get the back doors." Minghao grumbled, and Sonny nodded and dashed to the opposite side of the hallway. That door was also being rambunctiously moved, but it was already locked. Minghao grinned knowing that was your clever doing.

Soon, Minghao heard an unfamiliar scream, and he cringed knowing what was coming next. Soon, all of the doors opened, and doctors with guns came piling out of the rooms and to where Junhui and you were. 

They wouldn't kill you, be they wouldn't hesitate to shoot Junhui.

-

The scientists froze once they locked eyes with you.

They knew who you were, and their guns pointed at you aggressively, but you wouldn't drop them. Was this your end? You were going to die when you were so close to the prize?

Soon, they were all knocked down with a bullet to the head. Bodies piled on top of one another like a bush, and behind the pile was none other than Minghao. You smiled, and he did too. It's good to have others on your side.

He had that look in his eyes, it was just  _that_ look, and you knew that you'd either go down together or win this together. "Junhui, go help Sonny." You ordered, and his face lit up at the sound of his girlfriend's name, and you and Minghao piled into the rooms. You were faced with Hansol, Seungkwan, and Wonwoo.

You gave them the same purple medicine, finding it miraculous that they were alive. Right now, your adrenaline fused everything together. It was like a blurry nothingness, until a surge of electricity spread throughout your veins once you came to a certain realization.

There was still no Josh.

You looked at the door labeled "basement", and when you tried to open it, it was locked. A feeling of dread swallowed your gut, and soon bile threatened to pour of your mouth. You knew that he was down there, along with The Doctor.

Call it a hunch.

Soon, Minghao was behind you, and you two relentlessly broke at the door knob, until the lock finally broke. The door opened eerily, and you shared one last look - a look that screamed louder than a million words - before you went to your probable doom. Everybody else you rescued were helping with the doors, trying to keep the barricade up. You swallowed the bile in your throat.

"Together." You said to Minghao.

"On God." 

-

The room was dimly lit, with various syringes and mysterious bottles scattered over the room. A curtain was in front of Joshua, along with hand cuffs chaining him to stay still. He was standing now, but struggling against the binds mindlessly, per usual.

The Doctor locked eyes with you as you came charging down the stairs, and then you heard a gargling growl that sounded just like a walker's, and it was The Doctor merely prolonging your inevitable victory.

You had won.

But then, like a dramatic play opening, the curtain was unveiled. And behind it stood an infected Joshua Hong.

You cried out, you fucking wailed. You screamed so loud and you felt nothing but pure rage, knowing that it was this bastard's doing. You wanted to run up to him and slit his throat, you wanted to kill him and feel him submit under your power.

But you were frozen. And soon, Joshua was released from the cuffs, and stumbled over to you and Minghao hungrily. "Y/N, we have to kill him-"

"No!" You screamed, and you put down Minghao's gun and ran to Joshua, or what used to be him, and you bawled. 

Minghao had to kill Joshua, he had to or else he would bite you and you would be done for.

Unless you were immune.

He knew that you would never forgive him if you shot Joshua when there was a chance you were immune, because at the end of the day you loved him, infected or not. So he merely ran over to The Doctor, and restricted the man. He didn't fight at all, he just stood there while you let Joshua limp over to you.

And then Joshua took a bite of your flesh.

-

_"William! Marcus! Dinner is ready!" You smiled, setting the table along with your husband, Joshua. The two of you looked into each other's eyes lovingly. You two have been married for 7 years, but the love never faded. In fact, the love brought along kids and a dog the kids named "Sparkles"._

_You all sat around the dining table, and Joshua led the prayers. You chanted along with him, as your sons clumsily stumbled on a few of the words, but they tried nonetheless. You then ate meatloaf with a side of rice - and it was quite delicious. You were an amazing cook._

_You and Joshua were childhood friends, and in high school is when you two fell in love. Even when you went away to separate colleges, your love never died. You studied to be a psychiatrist - since you were undeniably intelligent, and good at giving advice. Joshua opened up a studio, and he made music with his friends, and sold instruments and other musical accessories._

_You were unbelievably happy. Your biggest fear is that you would get bored of marriage and leave, but you were deeply in love. Joshua Hong was the love of your life, and he always would be. Your two sons, Marcus and William, were 4 and 6._

_They were lively young children, with nothing but love and purity in their hearts. William, like his father, could sing exceptionally. And Marcus, like you, was incredibly intelligent. He could read English quite fluently at the age of 4. He was nothing short of a genius._

_Soon, everybody washed up the scrumptious dinner, and sleep was near. Every night, you and Joshua tucked the kids in, and then watched a new movie. Tonight was "28 Days Later"._

_Soon, you fell asleep on him while watching the movie, and Joshua studied your peaceful face and soft breaths. He then wondered  - what did he do to get so lucky?_

Like a mirage, the image of his happiness melted away from Joshua, no matter how much he reached out to it, it would never come back. That life he longed for would never exist, because to Joshua it was just this life. 

What did you do to get so unlucky? 

 


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here it is! sorry this took so long! i hope you all thoroughly enjoyed this story <3 the ending wasn't exactly how i planned it, because i really wanted to finish this story so i could start a new one. the ending may not be written amazingly, but i hope you like it nonetheless.

The world unfolded before your meek eyes. What was happening soon sunk in, and you immediately ripped your already bitten arm from "Joshua's" grasp. Looking down, you noticed a bite mark was there.

But then, like magic, it disappeared. It faded off of your skin gradually within the course of a few seconds, and you displayed no signs of turning any time soon. The moment your blood touched Joshua's tongue, a series of gargles elicited from his mouth and then he fell, clutching his chest. The Doctor watched intently, and Minghao merely rushed over to help you. "Are you okay?" He stuttered, and you just nodded emptily. You paid no mind to Minghao, your attention was on the dramatic scene happening in front of you. 

The first thing you noticed about Joshua was his eyes. Soon, a familiar brown coated the white vastness, and pupils sprouted like a sudden unexpected rainstorm. Color returned to his face, and his flesh tightened and cleansed itself. The reverse transformation was surreal, along with extremely satisfying. His teeth whitened, his lips weren't a pale blue anymore; he was Joshua.

Clutching his chest with both of his hands, he fell to the ground and passed out in front of you. If somebody would've walked in at this very moment, they would've seen four humans.

Soon, your eyes widened and the tears on your cheeks dried. Your eyes wandered to the open cut on your arm, no signs of being bitten near. It was just a cut, like being sliced with a knife.

You  _were_ immune.

And you were the cure.

-

Time blended together in a haziness. Days felt like weeks, as your mind swam in and out on consciousness. The reality of the power you held kind of drove you mad temporarily, but any heated haziness can be replenished with a sweep of ice cold reality.

It started when Joshua would wake up in the middle of the night, in the hospital of Fort Lockwood of course, and then he'd puke up blood. You assumed it was just his body getting rid of the infection, but to be fair you had no idea how to react in this situation. Any medically experienced fellow would have been absolutely stumped. Slowly, Fort Lockwood was rebuilt and The Doctor was under constant surveillance. You helped revive the fort to what it used to be, along with taking care of the excess scientists. 

You had felt heaps of guilt, knowing many people died due to their mere inconvenience. So many souls succumbed to the title of "Collateral Damage". They were executed because they were in the way - and that was that.

Truth be told, it had been four days since your attack on Fort Lockwood, but it felt like four months. Everything was so slow, worry tended to drag things out until the final show - where everything all comes crashing down. It was like you were in a play, and the end was near.

But one more plot twist was in store, just to mess with you. 

Today, you would finally talk to The Doctor - face to face. Alone.

You walked into the dimly lit basement where Joshua was once constricted, that thought being enough to stimulate an anger deep inside you. You strode over to the beaten down man, who once reigned down upon his own miniature civilization. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Now, he was under the control of somebody he used to own, somebody he used to control. 

You could do whatever you wanted to him. You could torture him like he did to you, you could let him starve to death, hell - you could untie him and let him walk out a free man. You weren't foolish enough to do so, but you knew you could have.

You were powerful. This time, you were mighty and great, you were no longer the girl subject to a glory-desiring genius or her amnesic self. You were the one with the good hand, it was like showing your royal flush to fellow poker players. The prize was so close, yet so far. But, was it as glorious and magnificent as it was prophesied to be? Was power what you wanted?

You knew you wanted to make him suffer, like he did to you. 

Alas, you were a living example of it - you had won. 

And, The Doctor had many answers you needed. But, you wanted his name to be forever tainted - not glorified as he had wanted. So, when you walked in that room, you had a vision in your mind.

"Hello." You hissed, the pure rage burning inside of you. The Doctor scoffed, his ragged, pale skin and scruffy grey beard only adding to his pathetic and defeated nature. His icy blue eyes were no longer sparking with the evil dreams that blew inside of him, instead they were hollowed out with the harsh winds of you. You played with the gun in your waistband, until you pulled it out and pointed it directly at his head. 

"I'm making it quick. Have fun rotting in Hell, buddy." You grumbled.

And then you squeezed the trigger.

The gunshot rang through out the room, but you didn't care. The incessant ring in your ears was overpowered by your triumphant smile. Victory was yours, and it tasted oh so sweet.

-

A week later, Joshua's puking wouldn't stop. You had talked to Seungkwan about it, but his blood loss was extremely risky and potentially fatal. You didn't have the technology nor the staff to figure out what was happening.

Yet, you didn't really need that. Joshua called you to his room one day, and he knew exactly what was happening to him. The thick quiet atmosphere spoke louder than so many things you wanted to say, the air impregnated with a poignant awkwardness. You two had talked over the course of this week, but there was something gone. He wasn't the Josh he was before, but did you expect him to be?

"He did horrible things to me." Joshua mentioned oddly, the once quiet air now drowning in those sad words. You didn't need to be told, for you knew the horrible extensiveness of The Doctor's actions. You just nodded and let him talk. 

"He told me why he did it...How he created the virus, how you were immune...And then he fucking injected me with it- and you saved me." He continued, and you just nodded solemnly. "I don't think your blood cured me though, Y/N. I think your blood reversed whatever happened...I think it's poisoning me." 

The cruel reality of fate was quite entertaining at times. It was obvious -- if your blood was the cure, then why didn't The Doctor have you hooked up to a machine? Of course he had tested your blood before. And, of course, it didn't work.

What were you supposed to do? Pretend to be shocked at the inevitability? You and Seungkwan had tried everything in your power to end Joshua's sickness, but it was no use. You knew - you god damn knew - that Joshua was going to die. And it was your fault. 

You wanted to cry, but it was like you were dried out from the insurmountable amount of tears you have cried this week. You just sighed, and then laughed. 

You laughed hysterically, to the point where tears rolled down your face endlessly. Joshua didn't react, he knew it was an odd reaction of some sort. Soon, your laughs surprisingly turned into tears, and then choking sobs. "I'm so sorry!" You wailed, and Joshua just held you like he used to, before everything went to shit. 

You weren't at home when you in Joshua's arms. Joshua wasn't himself anymore, and you both knew that. "It isn't your fault." Joshua soothed. Truth be told, it really wasn't. He would've continued to be a mindless infected buffoon if you hadn't tried to save him with your blood. You had given him a little more time. 

"I fucking poisoned you..." You shakily sobbed, as he stroked your hair and bit his lip. He wanted to cry, but he had accepted his fate. The pain of knowing that Joshua couldn't hold on to his love for you is what troubled him the most. For your love was a flame, but eventually it dwindled and burned out. 

Now, just ashes were remaining. And here in the pile of ashes, you cried for what could have been. 

"You gave me more time, Y/N."

"I shouldn't have killed The Doctor. He could've fixed this-"

"You did what was understandable." Joshua interrupted, hushing you softly. Soon, a comfortable silence engulfed you two, and all that could be heard were your quiet sobs or Josh's soft, slowing breaths.

"I want you to be happy, Y/N." Joshua mumbled, and you knew what he was getting at. You knew he knew, but you refused to believe it. Denial was a strong force after all.

"What do you mean?" You questioned dumbly.

"You know exactly what I mean. Don't guilt yourself into being alone forever. I can rest happily knowing that you'll be happy." Joshua mumbled, and you just sucked in a sharp breath. 

You wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that he shouldn't give up because you loved  _him,_ but that wasn't true. You weren't at home with Joshua, there was no warmth. The love was gone, and it rekindled for the man who had been waiting for you. Joshua had still loved you, and he would die loving you. And in another life, he would be happy with you.

Just not in this one, for you would be happy with someone else. And Joshua? Well Joshua would be dead. 

-

That night, Joshua had died beside you. And soon you learned that your blood wasn't the cure.

Not only that, you had discovered everybody from the ship you were previously on came down to Earth, and your father was no where found. And now, you lie in bed next to Minghao, a year later, still in Fort Lockwood. The world would continue on, and The Doctor's name would forever be cursed.

You and Minghao sat on top of the watch towers, looking over the forest that surrounded Fort Lockwood. It was around 2 AM, and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence. You wanted to say something, like that your period was late -- or that it had been a year since Joshua died.

But you just sat there, in silence. It was like Minghao knew the sound of the silence, he could listen to it. 

During this past year, you and Seungkwan had worked endlessly with samples of your blood. No cure had surfaced. 

Not only that, but no word from your father had been heard either. And as you stared into the dwindling dawn, you realized some questions would never be answered. Then, the sun rose and everything went on, like it always had.

And for a split second, you were again that girl who was confused with herself, who didn't know who she was or what she wanted, but then the feeling died. You lied in bed next to Minghao, resting after your night shift, and stared at his closed eyes.

A new passion erupted in you, a passion that was fueled from your love and experiences. It made you want to protect Minghao, it made you regret not being able to protect Joshua, and it made you  _you._

It was like a new reality was discovered -- a clearer more dense one. You weren't one of the good guys -- you had killed, stolen, and lied. You did all of those things because you thought you were right.

Yet looking back at it, you were so wrong. And an even harsher reality sunk in once you realized you could never make it right. You would forever be a killer, and a burglar, and a liar. 

Your eyes sunk into Minghao's closed ones, and tears fell out of your eyes before you could stop them. Everyday, you would try to find a cure to help the fucked up world you lived in. You had no time to think about your happiness, because the world sat in your hands. 

In another life you would be just another normal girl -- but not in this one.

THE END.

 


End file.
